Valerie's Story

When I was 18-20 I dated one boyfriend who was my first lover.  We started off using condoms, but after a year or so got sloppy.  It was never a problem.  I broke up with this boyfriend shortly before my 21st birthday and started seeing a new guy.  I was pregnant inside of 2 months. 

In the meantime, I learned more about this new guy I was seeing- he went from "I never use drugs" to "I only use marijuana" to "I use cocaine, special K, ectasy, etc".  I didn't have the slightest clue who he was or what drugs he had done - and he was only the 2nd person I had ever been with.  I was one year from college graduation and from a family that pregnancy before marriage would be unacceptable.  The day that we found out about the pregnancy we scheduled the abortion.  I cried during/after the abortion, but felt immense relief as soon as it was scheduled, and again as soon as it was over.

The only people who ever found out were those I chose to tell.  I graduated a year later and now am happily married with a successful job - my husband and I are now trying to conceive our first child and we are now prepared for a child, physically, financially, and emotionally.  Do not be afraid to tell future lovers about your past.  When I told my now husband he revealed that 15 years before he and his then highschool girlfriend had to have an abortion. 

It is more widespread and more accepted than you may think.  Do not live in fear.  Those who are judgemental against you have never been in your position and are self-righteous about the fact that they wouldn't allow themselves to be in that position.  It can happen to anyone.  I was a "good girl"  straight A's and didn't have sex until after I was 18 - this was the second person I had been with- condoms break, rape happens, or an accident can happen- one night of being drunk.  You shouldn't have to pay for the rest of your life.  And it can be ok afterward. I won't tell you that I never think about it- but I have never for one moment regretted it.

February 2004

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