Fi's Story

I'm 21 years old, a student. I had an abortion almost two weeks ago.

I'm so happy I found this site. It's been wonderful reading everybody's stories. I felt so alone beforehand, even though I know that (here in Australia at least) 1 in 3 women will also go through this...

I'm surprised by how hard it's been dealing with it. I know logically that I made the right decision, the sensible decision, but emotionally it's been a roller coaster. My boyfriend has been supportive, but it feels like he'll never quite understand.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. When I found out I was pregnant I felt to what to do. I was surprised that I wanted to continue the pregnancy. But I also didn't want to, I was scared. Scared that I'd never finish uni and be stuck in a poverty cycle, scared at what my family would think, scared that my boyfriend wouldn't be able to handle the situation financially and emotionally (he has a mental condition) and that I'd be abandoned. Financially and emotionally I'm not able to have a baby right now.

I KNOW it was the right choice. If I had to go back and make a choice again, I'd still choose the abortion. But...I feel sad. It's hard feeling sad every day and being unable to tell anybody why. All I want to do is confide in my mother and cry, tell my twin sister why I've been so grumpy and depressed. But I can't because I'm scared they wouldn't look at me the same way again. It's hard to get on with my life sometimes, but I'm trying. It's getting easier every day.

I don't regret the abortion, but I regret the situation full stop. I'm going to be so careful with contraception now. I was only off the pill for a month, by accident. I thought I wouldn't get pregnant, being on the pill makes you feel impervious...dammit.

My boyfriend and I intend on staying together, and I hope someday I'll have the child I felt unable to keep this time round.

For anybody who is scared about the procedure, the abortion I had was by suction. I was completely knocked out for it, so it wasn't physically traumatic at all, except for some cramping afterwards.

Do what you feel is best for YOU, whether it be continuing the pregnancy or not.

To any women reading this who have had an abortion, or are facing a choice, good luck and best wishes. You deserve many hugs and much support.

16 September 2004

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