Diana's Story

My name is Diana, and I'm 18 years old. I am 7 months away from graduating from highschool and pursuing a degree in psychology. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We truly love each other, and started sleeping together after 3 months. Our relationship took many turns, but ultimately we love each other. I was on the birth control pill for about 4 months prior to meeting him, after my sister had a pregnancy scare. I didn't want to have to go through it, and thought better safe than sorry.

I went on a three week trip to Maine in July (i'm from NY) and the pill got screwed up. I thought I was fine and we slept together when i got home. About two weeks later I started suspecting I was pregnant because I got what I thought was my period for a day, then nothing. I took a test, and it was positive. I was completely devastated.

Here I am living alone with my dad, estranged from my mother, and an honor student in highschool. What was I going to do with a baby? My boyfriend and i had talked about it when we started sleeping together. He is a sophomore in college about forty minutes away from me. There was no way either of us could care for or provide for a baby. Neither of our parents could help, even if they had wanted to.

So i talked to one of my best friends about getting an abortion. I didn't tell my boyfriend that I was pregnant because I didn't want him to think i was trying to trap him. When i was at his apartment, he overheard me on the phone, making plans with my friend to go to the clinic the next week for an abortion. He didn't hear me talk specifically about and abortion, or even about being pregnant, but he suspected it, and confronted me. We talked and cried (well i did anyway) for hours. Then he held me all night. He went with me to the clinic. He told me that he thought that it was the women's decision, because she has to go through the pregnancy, and that he would support me no matter what decision I made.

There was nothing I could do, besides get an abortion. I justified this to myself, because i was using contraceptives, and because i couldn't care for a child. The time of the pregnancy would cause for me to not be able to graduate on time, because of the mount of time i would miss from school. If I could have been able to graduate on time, and thus not ruin my future, then maybe I would have considered adoption. but there were just no other options for me at the time.

I often wonder about my child, if it would have been a boy or girl, or if she'd look like me, but those are questions that I can never answer. I don't regret my decision, when I see how happy my boyfriend and I are, and what wonderful futures each of us has in front of us. i could not possibly bring a child into the world that I couldn't take care of. When I think of the life that I would have been able to give that child compared to the life I will give my future children, I see I made the right choice, the only choice.

16 Nov 2001

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"We want to be in control of our lives. Whether we are jungle fighters, craftsmen, company men, gamesmen, we want to be in control. And when the government erodes that control, we are not comfortable."
- Barbara Jordan