Aubrey's Story

I am 31 years old and about to have my 2nd abortion.  The first time I got pregnant I had known the man for 2 months and he lived 3 hours away.  Because of my Christian upbringing and my love for the man I decided to go through with the pregnancy.  I will never regret that.  I have a very beautiful 5 year old daughter now.  When I was ending the relationship with her father 2 years later I found out I was pregnant again.  I knew what it took to have a baby and I thought I could do it again.  To help me be excited about the pregnancy I decided to tell my friends and parents, hoping their excitement would make me excited.  But it did not.  Our relationship was worsening every day and I knew it would be hard to be a single parent of one, let alone two.  So one night after an argument  with him I got really quiet with myself and talked to my unborn child.  I asked my unborn child if it would be able to forgive me, if I could let it go, if it was ok.  This
 was very important to me and very sad.  After sitting in quiet for a long while, I felt at peace with the decision to have a surgical abortion.  I have not regretted this decision at all and feel at peace with it.  I was honest with my parents but when my friends asked me how the pregnancy was going I told them sadly, "it didn't work out".  I did not want to lie and tell them that I had had a miscarriage and I didn't want to tell them the truth because I did not want to be judged.  No one pried into my business about it and I am thankful for that.

After my daughter's father and I split up I met a man who I have been with now almost 4 years.  He and I fight very often, do not live together, break up and get back together often, and see each other about once a week. He does not have a "father" role in his life and rarely comes over when my daughter is home.   Last month we broke up for what I thought was really the last time.  I started going out more with friends, I started taking more pride in my life, I began to be more happy and that reflected in my daughter.  Then I missed my period.  We were both surprised when we found out because we were always careful and used condoms.  At first I thought I would keep the baby because I would like to have more children and then we had another big fight.  This time though, I only told two friends.  I realized then that I could not do it alone again and I did not want to bind myself and my daughter to a man who I fought with all of the time.  He was not open
 to going to counseling and working out our issues.  It was then that I decided to have an abortion.  I will be taking the abortion pill this time and doing it at home in a few days.

I feel that it is the right for us to end the pregnancy and I do not take it lightly.  I am very thankful to have a choice in the matter.  I am also very sad.  I hope that in time I can learn to find peace in my decision.  It is not easy to have an abortion after you see and love a child of your own.  You think about your child missing out on a brother or sister and what the child might think if they found out as an adult.  And you also think about the grief and sadness that will be prevented from an unhealthy relationship.  I now have a chance to move on in my life and finally move out of what I have known to be a destructive.

Thank you for this forum, I sincerely appreciate it.


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