little girl

making a corruption known
in the hearts of many
not within-
without a
joy and
a sense of self-worth

shame
hugging in these barren halls
that are filled with hate
and fighting for a cause
to kill
"because commercials are more important
than little baby blue"

and will they ever know
regret?
but it's too late now
the tables are turned
empty, naked on this bed
with legs spread open
alone
no one ever told me this
alone
no going back
but if i only knew

God guide me now
my thin fragile body
is broken now

and
to a world that
says
"of your own":
i wish i could scream
"i saw it, i saw it on the table"
these arms are real
this blood is human blood
this hate
"i felt hate that night"

it doesn't make sense
when self kicks in
and pink pillows that once
felt so soft and warm
now scrape my face in the night
these scars-
my self-
one night in black satin

little arm
please hold me up
in diamonds/ in crosses
little belly
keep me up
to hold on to gentleness
and to know that
a little arm
and little belly
were made
my little girl was made

and we can feel worth
and not feel
water on our faces
2 seconds after the fact
we don't realize that
looking forward
to a white cloud
is all that matters

- Amy
January 2003

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"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge."
- Audre Lorde