Yolanda's Story

I found out I was pregnant on May 18, 1998. I won't ever forget that day for as long as I live. I called my boyfriend David and told him to come over. When he got me in the car I told him why we had to go to the drug store. It was so embarrassing buying the test. I was only 17 at the time and David was 18. The lady looked at us with the nastiest look on her face. I felt so humiliated.

I went to the restroom in the drug store and took the test, it was positive. When I came out David knew I was pregnant. My face was white, as white as a bed sheet. We went to the car and just sat there. I was crying and asking him what we where going to do! David was in tears, saying he couldn't tell his about parents this. I told him right away that I wanted to have an abortion. He agreed that it would be the best thing for us. We would have to wait till July 6th for my 18th birthday.

So I went on with my life. I was a junior in high school and finishing up the year. I didn't tell anyone. But as time went on I wanted less and less to go through with the abortion. I didn't tell David that I want to keep the baby. I didn't tell him that I was having dreams about the baby I could have. He told me all about how is father would kick him out and how he would have to drop out of college. I didn't want to destroy his life because I wanted to keep this baby.

Then, my cousin came over. He had given a baby up for adoption when he was my age. I asked him what he thought of it. He told me how much he liked it and that no one should have an abortion. I never told him I was pregnant, though I could tell he knew I was. So life went on as usual. I hid my morning sickness from my mother and little sister.

Then about 2 weeks after my cousin came to visit, my mother came barreling in my room. She wanted to know why I had lied saying I was pregnant. I told her I had never said I was. We argued for an hour. I finally just said I was. She wasn't as mad as I thought she would be. I was on Depo, and she knew that. She told me that she would pay for the abortion and I could get it as soon as possible.

My parents are going through a divorce and my mother told me not to tell my sister because she might tell my father. Then we had a talk with David. He and my mother talked and agreed to the abortion too. Then my mother turned to me and said, you don't have to get an abortion, but I won't take care of you. You'll have to move out and get married. You can give it up for adoption, but I don't think you have the guts. But if you do get an abortion, I don't want you to be like your aunt and cry about it to me.

On June 24, 1998, I went for my abortion. My mother took me. She had to sign a bunch of paperwork. I live in Michigan and I can't consent till I am 18, 2 weeks away. When we got there, I signed in and sat in the waiting room. We watched movies and waited from 9am till 4pm for the doctor to get there. When the doctor arrived one by one we were called back. I felt like I was going to the executioner. I looked at the 20 or so women and thought about all the babies in this room. I didn't want to do it. But when my name was called I went. I never told my mother how I felt. When it was all over I went home like nothing had ever happened. We haven't talked about it since.

I told David about how guilty I felt. He said he did too. I think every night, was it really that bad? Couldn't I have given it up for adoption? I miss the baby that could have been. I am still pro-choice. I see why women need that option. But I wish I hadn't had to do it! I wish my mother would have told me, she would support me either way. But I did what did.

October 1998

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