I was married for 14 years and have 2 wonderful children. They have just entered their teens. My marriage broke down 2 years ago and I moved out with equal custody arrangements.
I thought it was wonderful when my first love from High school contacted me. We still had a connection and every opportunity we had we would see each other. He promised a great many things and I was willing to believe them all as I still saw him as my great love. I knew up front that he was living with someone. He had gone through a divorce years prior and had recently moved in with his girl. He told me that their relationship had become unsteady. And yes, I believed him.
It was last year, in July that I fell pregnant to him. He seemed happy about it but then changed his mind a few days later. It had been a complete surprise to both of us. We were both 39 years old. We had done everything right. I was on the Pill and all had been great.
I became pregnant exactly a year to the day that we had reunited. In some ways I had thought it was fate. Then the reality set in. He told me he wanted it, but then said the situation was impossible. He told me I had a lot of things happening and I should think of my children. I was naturally upset that he felt that way. He had been the one that had said that he wanted a child with me the year before.
I thought a great deal about what I should do. I desperately wanted to keep my baby but the rest of the picture wasn't looking very good. Plus, my husband was dodging settlement on our affairs. In the end, I decided it was best for myself and my children to have an abortion. I was exactly 5 weeks pregnant when I aborted. It was very difficult.
The man of my dreams let me do it by myself, he also let me cry by myself. I didn't tell anyone but him. I saw him for some time after that...still in love. However, it quickly faded when he announced that he was trying to have a child with his live-in girlfriend. They're still trying. She's 42.
It was just after that, that a friend came into my life. She is very good at listening and we share so much in common. I told her about the abortion about a month ago. She was astonished at the way I was left to go it alone. She has been very helpful in assisting me to accept it all. Good friends are the best and it doesn't matter when they come into your life. She now shares all her problems with me, and I share mine with her. Makes life a hell of a lot better!
The boy I loved...he's still trying to contact me to tell me that he still loves me.
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"Conventionality is not morality."
- Charlotte Brontë