In a little less than a month, November 18th, I will be 'celebrating' yet another anniversary of my abortion. It will have been four years. I found out I was pregnant in early October. I took a pregnancy test in my local library bathroom with two 'good friends'. They told me I was just over reacting, that it was going to be negative. I knew it wasn't going to be, I just had a gut feeling. I was right. I was fourteen.
I called a family friend and she came and got me. I cried and cried. She said I had to tell my mother but as you can imagine I was so scared. She ended up calling my mom and my mom met us at a local coffee shop. When my mom saw me she cried. She knew, she told me, that this had to be why she was coming. I was heartbroken that I made my mom cry.
I was very sick. All day sickness was the worst thing about being pregnant. My friends had gone to school the next day and told my choir class. We all know teenage gossip spreads like wildfire. For some reason my school district had 9th grade separated in its own building, so news spread amongst the 2000 kids in my class.
I went to planned parenthood for options counseling. I was sure I didn't want an abortion so we discussed adoption and keeping my child. On the way into the clinic though, two elderly people were telling me how they could help me. I was outraged they assumed I was aborting.
When I told my mom we didn't discuss abortion at all she scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN so I could have 'all the facts on all the options'. She helped me see abortion was the right choice for me. I was a baby myself. I couldn't raise a child. And I knew I didn't want a stranger raising my child.
Driving up to the clinic was horrible. There was a mob of protesters. This time I brought my ipod. I just laughed at them and had so much hate. After the procedure, they had all left. I was relieved.
To this day I still wonder 'what if...' but when it comes down to it, I couldn't have chosen anything better for myself. I had a sit-down with my pastor, since I was pretty religious. I am a Lutheran. He assured me that if I asked God for his help and forgiveness, he would give it to me. And he was totally right.
I really hope this touches someone. I know how hard it is, and I want so badly to help people in 'pregnancy crises'. I really hope all women who choose abortion heal quickly and are at peace with themselves. For those who struggle, my heart goes out to you.
more stories -- share your story
Remember to watch out for fake abortion clinics
, that is clinics who pretend to provide abortion so they can lure you in and talk you out of it.