I have not had an abortion yet but I am one week away from my procedure.
I have been reading these stories since I found out I was pregnant. Immediately after I found out I called a close friend. She sat with me for hours while I cried, laughed, puked, and freaked out. She knew just what to say, nothing at all. She sat there and listened to my every worry, dream, fear, thoughts, everything for hours. I did not know what to do at that moment. After a few days time I knew this was not the right time for me. I did know that I was intended to be a mother someday but just not at this time. Yet I was scared to go through with the abortion. I could not tell my parents or many friends as I was fearful of how they would react, judge or anything. I have been brought up to care for everyone before myself. It was not an intentional upbringing but I saw how my mother and father cared for each other before themselves and us, its just something I learned. My decision was extremely hard to make as I cared so much about how this would affect my family if I were to keep the child. Also I cared more importantly about the life of the child not being the best life I had ever imagined. The father is not in the picture as he wants nothing to do with the child and me. He wanted me to get an abortion from the start.
I made my choice and I proceeded to make an appointment. My first try I had issues with the place not being able to accommodate my needs due to height and weight restrictions and the anesthesia. My second attempt I had a date set. I worked it out with my friend that she would take me and I would stay at her house for a few days to recoup. Everything was set. A few days later I received a call from the clinic saying they could not accommodate for me as well but due to a pre-existing condition I had. I completely lost it at that point. I didn't know what to do! My friend advised me to keep trying that I am a strong woman and she admires my hard work and ability to know what is best. After a few more tears I went into action mode. I went to talk with a local teen/women's center nearby. They could not have been more helpful. I truly commend the women in that office for supporting me whole heatedly. After some time, calling, arranging I was able to find a clinic to accommodate my needs.
My first schedule appointment I was fearful, I found myself looking up information online, reading, researching, worrying. I did not feel right about the clinic. So in a sense when they called to cancel I was relieved but disappointed. The final appointment at a different clinic has left me feeling very calm, nervous and empowered. The clinic is one that is completely run and founded by women. They took the time to listen to my situation, how it happened, what i wanted to do, what he wants to do( they didn't care as much about that as they cared about my options), who is supporting me in my life, what to expect, everything!! I can honestly say I know exactly how my appointment will go with the exception of some details. The women at this clinic have made me feel very confident that I am a strong woman, I will be able to have the life I want and that sometimes there are speed bumps in life.
As of right now I am scheduled to have my procedure in one week. I am hopeful it will all work out, Still nervous I will get a phone call that it can not be done but certain that these women will help me find solutions if that is the case. I am sure I will write again once I have gotten over this speed bump. I wish any woman the best that reads this. Know that only you know what is best for you, yes you may be hearing that alot. It is true though. No one can tell you what is best for you. I know it doesn't seem like that answer is there but take time with yourself. Write down anything on your mind. How you picture you life in each situation, your dreams, goals, "perfect life" and then you will be surprised how close that answer was to you all along.
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