For a while, i was skipping my period. i would say about 2 months...and i finally got the brains to buy a prenancy test. so...on march 1, 2005, i was planning on going to school, but i realized that i still havent gotten my period. so my boyfriend and i decided i'd take it that day.
but as we waited for the test, he told me "you know i love you right? and no matter what happens, i will always love you, but...you know what we've been doing is wrong...and we gotta focus more on GOD." and then i knew right then and there...it was over...i was so devastated! i didnt know what to do...so...10 min. later, we went into the bathroom...and he looked at me and said "no matter what happens, 'i love you'"
so...we went in...2 little pink lines(positive.) you dont even know how scared i was...and then he said "you know what we need to do now right?" i looked at him...and i knew what that meant. i waited a while...and i told my sister, and she told me that i needed to tell my dad, or she was gonna do it. so...on march 30,2005, my sister told my dad about what had happened to me.
he got really mad to the point where he started crying. and i've never seen my dad cry before. anyway. my dad started yelling at me and said "we gotta do something about this" and i told him "i'm not getting an abortion if thats what you're talking about" and he looked at me and said "its either that or you can get out of my house. you have 30 mins. to get all your crap and get out." in my head i was like "dude i'm only 15...i thought you loved me, why cant you love me and help me with this little person comming along?" but i had no guts to tell him that. so...on april 2, 2005...i did it...i didnt want to...i wanted to keep my baby, that way i know that i would have someone to love me for the rest of my life...but it didnt happen. i was 11 and a half weeks pregnant! and after that i was depressed. and i get like that a lot now. but not often. i think about her all the time...and i have dreams about her too. my ex-boyfriend thinks about her a lot too! cause no matter what...shes our baby. and one day we'll be with her...
February 20, 2007
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