I'm 29 years old and I had an abortion last week. This was definitely a very unplanned pregnancy. Having to make a decision when you're pregnant and your hormones are out of whack and you're so emotional is very hard. With me, everyday I wanted something different. One day I wanted to have it, another day I felt I wasn't ready to be a mother. My 21 yr. old on and off boyfriend did not want me to have it at first. Somehow I convinced him. I wanted this baby, even though I had so much at stake because I'm a career woman, a woman who's fought for absolutely everthing she's got. A woman who's gotten no free rides ever. A woman who's made many many sacrifices throughout her life just to end up pregnant by mistake, by a 21 yr old who unfortunately had nothing to offer me and the baby, but somehow it was ok. I was going to make it work.
For weeks I'd asked my God or whoever it is that watches over us for a sign, for some type of wisdom. I just wished somehow I'd know what I was getting into.
My relationship with my boyfriend was anything but stable, for some reason he just couldn't trust me. Even though I was pregnant with his baby, he was still convinced that I was cheating on him. Soon after, he got into a jealous rage and he hit me, and choked me (he'd done it in the past when I was not pregnant) but I had tried to block that out of my mind, I'd tried pretending that it had never happened, and although I was very afraid that it could happen again, I convinced myself that now that I was pregnant, he would NEVER EVER touch me again. I was wrong.
To me that's the break, the sign I needed. A man that hits women, will ALWAYS hit women. That was not going to change. My father, my brother, my male cousins, my uncles are not around to defend me. Eventually when he'd hit me again, I was going to have no choice but to go to the police. He'd end up in jail, perhaps deported. I, would end up at a hospital with broken bones or maybe 6 feet under....and the baby??? How was I going to bring this helpless baby into this world under these circumstances? My poor baby was going to suffer the most. And what's worst I had known all along...I wanted better for him, that's why I decided to end his suffering, before it even started. I'm sure the baby would have gotten taken away....
Every situation is different. In my case, I did what I had to do. This was the best for the 3 of us....
February 20, 2007
more stories -- share your story