I found out I was pregnant a week before
I started my senior year of High School.
I was 17 when I lost my virginity.
We didn't use any protection. I found out I was pregnant a little less than two
months later, right before I started my Senior year of high school. My boyfriend
cried with me all night.
I never told my parents. My mom would have made
me keep that baby. I knew there was no way I and my boyfriend could ever support
a child. I needed to go to college. My dad left when I was 5 and I knew what it
was like to live without a dad in a broken family. I want my child to have everything
I didn't and there was no way to do that at 17.
I skipped school
and my girl friends took me to the clinic. I didn't let my boyfriend come. I didn't
want him to be in any more pain then he already was...he took it hard. A nurse
held my hand and I could feel the suction of the vacuum inside me. I sobbed on
the cold metal table. I cried for an hour afterwards. I recovered for a while,
then went home. My mom has no idea.
Everyone in my high school found out
somehow. The girls who had babies called me "babykiller" to my face
in the hall. I lost friends. I lost my boyfriend because I was depressed and dragging
him down with me so I dumped him to save him. I told all my friends I was fine.
I escaped to college 75 miles away. I tell no one here about it. I care
less about my body and myself... I feel like I don't deserve much... kind of like
I'm "damaged goods." The guys I date here try to get close and I don't
let them. I have problems with depression. I need to go to a counselor but I'm
too scared. I don't know who to trust with this... some people think I've sinned..
but I think I did what was best for the baby. I'll always believe that, but it
doesn't make waking up in the morning any easier.
My baby would be a year
old this April 11. I try to forget that date but I can't. I'll remember it until
the day I die. Nikki
24 March 1999
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nothing more important to women than being pregnant when they want to be and not
pregnant when they don't want to be." -Joan Coombs, Planned Parenthood of