Nadine's Story

I just thought I would share my story with anyone who is going through the difficult time of either trying to decide on what they should do, or trying to deal with the choice they have made.

Just over a month ago, I was getting things ready for my sisters soon to be wedding. I was getting my dress fitted, and picking out a gift for her and her new husband. My life was perfect. I had a great boyfriend, and amazing friends.

My period was late and I took a test... Negative.

Later that night, I went to a house warming party. A distant friend of mine won the lottery, and she had bought a beautiful house on the water. My friend and I were smashed, having to run to the bathroom every half hour or so, we laughed and talked about all the good times. She mentioned how her period was late, and I explained to her that I had taken a test that day, and the kit came with two tests. I told her she could have the other one, because I didn't need it.

The next week, my period still hadn't come. Since my friend hadn't mentioned the test again, I used it. It was a very faint positive. I immediately called my doctor. That day they confirmed my pregnancy. Unsure what to do, or who to talk to, I kept quiet. My sister's wedding was only 2 weeks away, and my family would be torn by hearing the news at such a time. The night of my sister's wedding came, and my boyfriend and I went back to his place. He could tell something was bothering me, and I broke down and told him.

He told me everything would be alright, and I could do whatever I wanted to do. Still undecided on whether or not I could take on the responsibility, I went and had an ultrasound done to see exactly how far along I was. I was only 6 weeks, and because it was so small, I had to go back a second time to be sure it wasn't growing in my tubes. I talked it over with my boyfriend some more, and it was clear he decided the responsibility was too much for us, considering he had a little girl already with his ex-girlfriend. It took me another week to actually call and make an appointment. The nurse was quite friendly, and made me feel better about my choice.

The day finally came and my boyfriend and I sat quietly in the waiting room. I was really scared and really nervous! I dreaded hearing them call my name! Finally, they did. They called me in and made sure the choice I was making was the right one for me, then they had to do a cervical swab to test for STD's. She then needed to insert some kind of pill that would dilate my cervix within the next hour.

I was allowed to leave the clinic during that time. So we went to Pizza Hut, and my boyfriend ate while I watched. Finally, it was time to go back.

Once again, we found ourselves waiting in the waiting room. Waiting for my name to be called again. There were five girls and four beds, so I had to wait for a bed. Which was fine with me, I needed a little while to try and relax myself.

By the time I was called in, I wasn't quite myself, I had taken all sorts of drugs, and was given laughing gas. The procedure itself was fast. Uncomfortable, and slightly painful. I cried mostly because my emotions were all over the place. My boyfriend never let go of my hand... but I don't think he could have if he wanted to. After the procedure, I waited in the recovery room and had some toast. Once I felt better enough, we headed home.

I had a rough couple days afterwards... not healing physically, but healing emotionally. I felt very relieved, and free once the procedure was done, but by the next day I felt guilty and ashamed, and sad. It's been a week now, and I have improved a ton. It's helped to be around my friends. It's still hard sometimes to see my boyfriend's little girl. It makes me wonder what could have been. But I know that my choice was for the best. Make sure if you have the time to think about it, think about it as long as you are able to. Make your decision before you tell anyone, and don't let them change your mind. Think of yourself first. Get an education, and make sure you can handle this huge responsibility both financially, and emotionally. It's not fair to bring a baby into this world who you cannot care for. Your baby deserves the best when you choose to have it.

August 2004

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