My boyfriend and I used a condom and it broke. I took the morning after pill. After that, he complained about having to use condoms, so I gave in and we played the "pull out" game. I know it was stupid. I decided to start birth control pills, but it was too late. I started taking pregnancy tests once a week after the broken condom. They were always negative, except for the last one. I was in shock. I called my boyfriend and he acted like it was nothing. He said we would take care of the problem and not to worry. I was hysterical and he didn't come and see me. I called my brother. He came over right away and stayed with me. I am blessed with a great family.
My boyfriend and I agreed to have an abortion. I made an appointment for that weekend. He avoided me all week. The one time he did come over he wouldn't talk about the fact that I was pregnant. I tried to explain the magnitude of the situation to him and what I was feeling but he didn't want to hear or talk about it. I wanted to talk about how this is affecting our relationship and he said it wouldn't unless we let it. He came over that night before the operation, at 10pm and slept on the sofa, until I asked him to come to sleep next to me. The next morning he took me to the clinic, handed me half the money.
The actual abortion itself was not terrible. I was only 3 or 4 weeks along. They gave me some drugs and I almost felt guilty for feeling so good. The girls in the room were sick and talking about food they wanted to eat but couldn't. I was feeling so floaty, I could only remember trying to keep my paper apron on and not showing everyone my naked self. I was put under for the surgery. Next thing I remember I'm dressed walking to the car.
My boyfriend didn't say much but did sit with me most of the day. He did what any decent person would do. The next morning, when I was feeling normal, I told him I was disappointed that he didn't offer to pay the entire amount, considering what I was going through, physically and emotionally. He said he didn't read that part in his guy book of etiquette and said it was all about the money for me. I told him it wasn't that, there is so much more to it. He ignored me He left early that morning and said he would come back but he never came back. He never answered my phone calls or emails. On the 4th day, I was worried something bad might have happened so my friend called his cellphone and he picked up. I was hurt, how could someone do this to me who loved me? I know I am better off, even though it hurts.
After my abortion I felt no pain, but by the 5th day the cramping started. It's like a really bad period, which I've had. This is normal.
It really helps to talk about it. I was worried people would judge me, but they don't, if they really are your true friends and love you. I will survive, we all will.
February 20, 2007
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