May 31, 2007 is the first day in my life that I won’t ever forget, June 30, 2007 is the second day that I won’t ever forget. I found out I was pergnant on May 31...I had come home from work and met a friend for dinner. I had asked her if she’d mind if we stopped at the store so that I could buy a test. On the way home we joked about what would happen if I was pregnant - never thinking that I would be. I got home and neither of my parents were home. leaving that the time to take the test. My friend was in my car waiting when I came out, my eyes full of tears and I didn’t know what to do. I got in the car and drove...I didn’t know where I was going, but I drove.
Now I will give a little background on the father who at the time was not my boyfriend. We had met almost 3 years before on a blind date that was set up by a common friend. I had come home from school for the weekend and he had planned to cook me dinner. I went to his house and ended up having the worst date ever!! I didn’t talk to him or see him for nearly another year until I was home for the summer and needed a job. I got a job at the same place he worked (also the place that the friend who had arranged our date works). We began talking at work and then going to dinner and other functions with common work friends until he finally asked me out on another date. This one was perfect...he picked me up, met my parents took me out for ice cream and then to a double feature at the drive in near where we live. Everything was perfect he was a gentlemen and the night ended with a kiss. After that we saw each other almost everyday until I left to go back to school. We dated for a little over a year when he ended things. I was heart broken. This was the first time I had opened up to someone so much and I still loved him very much. We remained close and nearly nothing changed in our relationship, we talked everyday, still went out and yes we were still sleeping together. Then I found out that he had cheated on me. He went away to school where he hooked up with other girls and still told me that he loved me but needed to figure things out. I believed him. When he came home I asked him about the other girls and he lied, I still wanted to be with him but I knew he needed to change. Our relationship didn’t change and I tried to forget everything. Then came May 31 I called him and he was at work I was holding back the tears because this is not the way that I wanted to tell him. I asked him to call me when he was leaving work and he insisted that I tell him what was wrong. After fighting with him, I blurted out that I was pregnant. I could imagine his jaw dropping.
I still didn’t know what to do and looking back I thank God, (a God that I don’t even know if I believe in) for my best friend who was with me during all this. I called another friend who had gone through everything I was feeling the summer before. She gave me a number to a counseling center and my best friend went with me. The guy and I talked, he was shocked we hadn’t used condoms in over a year and a half and now it happens.
I went to his house and at that time I wanted to keep the baby, I started thinking of it as our baby. He told me that it was my choice and he would support me no matter what. He also told me that he didn’t think he was ready and that he was worried about being a good father. Then our talked turned bad I asked him about us he said he didn’t see us getting back together even if I had the baby. Right then I knew what he wanted and I knew that if I kept the baby I would be alone. I cried and locked myself in his bathroom. I said very mean things to him including that I regretted ever meeting him which was the farthest thing from the truth he was still my everything.
I went home, and thought things over. We talked the next day and both apologized for saying things we didn’t mean. I dint want to tell my parents or anyone in my family. So when my brother asked me to house sit for a week I did. I made a list and then made my decision. I called the "father" and told him and that night he came over after work and we agreed that an abortion would be best. Also that night we agreed to change our relationship...he was going to try his best to stop all the lies and also, he would try to rebuild the trust and faith I lost in him. He told me he really did love me, but he knew he couldn’t be what I needed and he wanted to be. He said I’m the girl he wanted to be good for.
We made the appointment and planned to go to our friends cabin after, so that neither of our parents would find out. June 30 - I walked in to the clinic 7 1/2 weeks pregnant and scared. I waited there for 3 hours until they called me back. I laid down and closed my eyes in a matter of 15 mins it was over and my baby was gone. I held back tears...I got my meds and met him the waiting room. He walked me to the car and we drove to the cabin. I didn’t want him to think I regretted the decision so I held back tears until I was showering when I broke down.
It’s been one month and I think about it everyday...and the relationship with the guy and myself is getting better. We aren’t back together, but this has been a way for us to start over. I do regret the decision I made, but I know deep down that it was the right one...I could never have this child and give what it would have needed. Before this I wasn’t even sure if I wanted kids. Now I cant wait to have them when I married and out of college.
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