I had an abortion two years ago. People told me
I wouldn't think about it when the anniversary came around, but I do. I cried
really hard about it for the first time since that hellish time about a month
ago and it felt really good. I feel better now. Sometimes I worry that I won't
be able to get pregnant when I am ready to have children... something about that
and the "God-will-punish-you theory." But I don't believe in that kind of God
I love my boyfriend very much... I didn't know him then like
I do now. I didn't know if he would be the kind of father I want for my children
or the kind of man I want to be linked to for the rest of my life. I know he is
now. He's had time to grow, so have I.
I don't like what society does
to us with these myths that we're supposed to be so grateful and excited about
being pregnant. Or that if we do get pregnant unexpectedly, then we weren't being
"careful" enough. And this is our punishment and we must accept it. And if we
make any other choice, we're immoral, bad.
Our bodies are made to do
this and have been ready for pregnancy since we were 12, 13, 14 years old. Unplanned/Unwanted
Pregnancy is a medical condition and Abortion is a way of treating that condition.
I think the hardest part of my decision was that I was 22; old enough
to make it work, but not ready to want to make it work. I was waiting tables.
I had just graduated from college. I had no insurance. I was living with my boyfriend
in a run-down old house in a bad neighborhood with three of his friends. I've
always envisioned a house full of kids. I love kids. I remember those few weeks
of agonizing over what to do. I took two pregnancy tests because I couldn't believe
it. I remember looking at my stomach and wondering how so much could be going
on inside my body. I changed my mind over what to do every fifteen minutes. My
boyfriend was wonderful... he changed his plans every time I changed mine. My
parents were wonderful... I thought my dad would hate me (He's very Catholic).
But when I called him on the phone we just cried and he told me he loved me.
I left the clinic the first time we went. I couldn't stand it. There were
almost 15 other women in one room and it was so hot. Some of the women were talking
about their children and that really upset me. I thought I was going to pass out.
I got up and walked out. I went to the library and checked out a few books. One
of them was "Why I am an Abortion Doctor." It was so good! We rented some movies..."If
these Walls Could Talk" (HBO) was one of the best. The knowledge empowered me
and I felt more confident about my decision, so we went back.
an hour after the abortion, I felt so much better. I threw up and cried and slept.
My boyfriend and I rented a hotel room because I didn't want to see or talk to
anyone. That night while we were watching TV, a commercial came on for a pregnancy
test. He hugged me and said next time we need one of those we'll be so happy about
Now I am 24. I have a good job. My boyfriend is in school.
He is everything I could have ever hoped for in a partner. We couldn't be what
we are today had we chosen a different path. Things may have been better and they
may have been a lot worse. I want to know that my children will grow up with a
good man for a father. We have to have high expectations... good men don't come
Over the last couple of years I have been amazed to find out how
many women in my family were pregnant when they got married. 3 out of 4 of my
great-grandmothers, my mom, several aunts... They made so many sacrifices for
their children, but so have I. And in a way I feel I have made a sacrifice for
all of those wonderful women who had no choice.
more stories -- share your story
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