I'm so grateful for your website. It helped me get through the toughest time I've ever had.
When I was 18, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Being unable at that time to be mature, and make the decision that was best for all involved, I had a baby because I 'wanted' it. When I was 24, I had my second child, by a different father.
Both fathers wanted nothing what-so-ever to do with their children. I had to go through the whole suing for child support, and submitting to a DNA test. It was humiliating, and made me angrier than I ever thought I could be. For the first child it took two years of my life to learn to forgive, and be able to move on with my life, I was so angry at the father for not wanting what I wanted so naturally.
Now I am 31, I have a 13 and a nearly 7 year old. I had an affair with a guy I met on the internet. We talked on the phone a lot, and we made a 'date.' I got pretty drunk that night with him, and forgot to use the spermicide I planned to use. It was in my pocket when I went to the bathroom, but I didn't remember till it was too late.
The next day I got the Morning After Pill. Took it as directed.
But two weeks later, I just didn't feel right. I'd been having intermittent left pelvic pain, was becoming tired easily, and always. I knew... I also knew the father was pro-life. His conservative ways being the reason we no longer spoke, I sent him an email explaining what I was doing AND that I would listen. But he didn't respond.
Immediately after the first positive pregnancy test, I got online to the only abortion clinic I knew. I was able to make the appointment online, which was a relief. I still wasn't able to say the word, much less call and ASK for one. I was also early enough for the abortion pill. This was also a great relief.
As my friend, the only one I told, and I pulled into the parking lot there were protesters lined up all along the street with huge signs of mutilated babies. Much farther along than most women, almost full term. It was sickening. They shouted that they loved me. They tried to get me to notice them, and come talk to them so they could 'help' me.
The security guard in his outdoor station made me feel more safe, since one of the protesters actually walked onto the parking lot towards me.
I put my head up and walked on away. In my mind, she didn't need to be acknowledged.
When I got in, I first was sent to a separate room than my friend to fill out some paperwork. The feeling in that room was pretty anxious, but maybe that was just me. Everyone avoiding eye contact, but wanting to look to see other women who felt the same, FINALLY. Then they took me to the ultrasound room where the tech couldn't find the baby with the abdominal unit, and had to do a vaginal unit exam. Much less invasive than I had expected since I only had to pull my pants down, and not all the way off. But when I stood up, I could see the little circle on the screen to see the 'yolk sac' that is what's holding my tiny spot of a baby. I tried not to stare as she finished her paperwork.
She sent me upstairs, where my friend was waiting in a HUGE waiting room. The receptionist gave me a huge binder to read about my abortion and what to expect. It was nice to have my day planned out, and know what order things were gonna be in after that. Counseled, lab, pay, pelvic, pill! I can do this.
My friend and I read through it together, even laughed at some of the pictures, like food where they said you should eat after the abortion.
They had pictures of burgers, fries, hot-dogs... just tickled us.
The counselor was nice, and very understanding. The lab was efficient and nice. When they took my money, they made my follow up appointment.
The blood test was nothing more than a finger prick, and instant results. The pelvic was just a digital, and lasted all of two or three seconds. Then the doctor took my hand, and placed the pill in it. The nurse gave me water, and I took the pill. Nobody watched me so I didn't feel at all pressured.
Then she handed me three bags of pills. The second set of pills for the abortion, antibiotics, and vicodin. They also gave me a Nuvaring for birth control as that was what I had chosen with the counselor. She spent some time explaining how and when to take the meds. Start the antibiotics tonight, but don't take them the day you take the second set of pills for the abortion, too much for my stomach, and start the vicodin one hour before the second set of pills.
The night before the abortion, I was crying, so unsure of myself. After the abortion, I did feel the relief they say you'll feel. I also felt happy. I didn't expect that. Not to say that my sadness and anxiety I had felt the night before was completely gone, but it wasn't the primary feeling anymore.
I am glad I chose this. For me, for my children I already have, for my family who is busy expecting my MARRIED brother's newest coming mini-me. I would have only been Lonna, the one who got pregnant again and wouldn't it be nice to enjoy it if she had a man, oh shame AGAIN!
Now my only problem is getting my shift covered for Thursday when I take the second pills. And hoping that I'm not still pregnant at the follow up(5% no matter how much you bleed). But I can deal with that now that I know I will be well received at the clinic. I feel great so far, just slight cramping at this point.
I'm so grateful to live in a place I can legally abort.
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