Linnea's Story

I have been married to a wonderful man for just over a year now. I am 27 and my husband is 26. We are finally getting on our feet. Slowly we are paying off past debts and getting better credit. I am finishing my degree by going to school through an accredited college on the Internet. We live in the ghetto and have plans to move when I get a better paying job and my husband can go to school.

My period was late this month. I knew it. I knew I was pregnant but allowed denial let me wait a week and see. I usually go 5 weeks instead of the traditional 4. So on Friday, 6 1/2 weeks past my last period, with shaking hands, I took the test. It was 4:30 am. I knew that the best time to do it was in the morning, so I had left the EPT next to the sink for when I woke up to use the bathroom. As I sat on the toilet, chanting please be only 1 line, I didn't wait the full 5 minutes. It was about 30 seconds and I looked. There they were staring at me, two pink lines. I take that back. The test window to make sure it was working had a pink line. The window that shows you are pregnant was almost magenta. I thought, I am not just pregnant, I am VERY pregnant.

I crawled into bed next to my husband and slowly said his name. I told him it was positive and then started crying. That is all I really remember about Friday, crying the day away. My husband instantly wanted to schedule an abortion but I was torn. I had been raised in a strict catholic family. My sisters had both just had babies. If I kept this baby, all of our babies would have been born in the same year.

First we looked at the pill RU-386, the more I read about that pill the more scared I became. I just wished that I could find someone going through what I was going through. I could talk to no one but my husband and a friend online. My off-line friends were all Pro-Life and would never understand why I was even considering this.

The thought of a surgical abortion terrified me. I am afraid that if I am knocked out, I will not wake up again. As I scroll though websites, weeding out the scary pro-life and catholic ones, I came upon a planned parenthood brochure on surgical abortions. As I read, I felt calmer. This didn't sound like the doom and gloom that I had been taught as a teenager and they don't have to knock me out. I can take a sedative.

After much crying, soul searching, and stress, I decided to make an appointment for Thursday. We are going to go to a place in the city. I am scared but my husband promises that he will stay with me the entire time. I am over my fear of the actual abortion but I have an intense fear that something will go wrong and I will get sick, causing everyone to know what I did.

I kept telling my husband, if only I could find stories of people who had abortions, I would feel so much better. That was when I found your website late last night. Yesterday had been a long day for me. Morning sickness kicked in and the extreme exhaustion. My newest nephew was christened and I had to sit with my family and this new baby knowing what I am going to do this week. I got a little sad. I needed reassurance and your website, your stories, were there for me.

I am still terrified because that if just who I am. As long as my husband is there with me, I know that he will not let a living soul harm me. We talked about our futures and plan to have a child in a couple of years after we are more financially stable. This whole experience has brought us closer together.

I am still a little scared about the procedure and the recovery period (time until next period). If anyone can tell me what they felt and what happened after, please email me. I just want to be prepared.

30 April 2001

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"The night has been long,
The wound has been deep,
The pit has been dark,
And the walls have been steep."
— Refrain from "A poem from the Million Man March"
(1995) by Maya Angelou