I just had an abortion less than 2 weeks ago. I am 26, and for many years, in past relationships, tried very hard to conceive, I never thought I would be able to have children, but wanted to desperately. I spent some time with an old Friend who I hadn't seen in many years. And after not having sex for over a year I said "why not!" so we did... just that once. A few days later, he explained to me that he was afraid that I could possibly be pregnant but I was thinking to myself... "NO..not me", but about a week later.. there I was with a positive pregnancy test.
My emotions were so mixed...this is something I had wanted for SO long.. to be a mother.. but the situation was ALL wrong..I am in the middle of going to school, unmarried, not alot of money etc.. and I found out later that HE is actually engaged! My deepest fears were realized when I had to finally sign all the papers at the clinic and decided to take the pills.
Once I was home I was OK... On the next day, a half an hour after inserting the 2ND set of pills, a tremendous cramping came over me... I could not move. I felt like I was being punished. Before this started, I didn't question my decision, but suddenly I was riddled with feelings of guilt and betrayal. What had I done?
For the next few days I was really sad (still am... ) I just think of how sorry I am that I had to do this. I have always been pro-choice.. but now, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I feel that a woman should know that an abortion is not the end. It is just the beginning.
February 21, 2007
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