Call me callous, call me selfish. All
together I've been pregnant 6 times.
My first born would be 20 years old
this year. I admit I took that loss very very hard. I felt ashamed and was labeled
as a murderer. I gave life to 4 beautiful children. My 1st born is 17 and is still
with me. I then had twins in 1990 and for 6 months I tried to raise them and humbled
myself to churches and freebies for their care. After many tears I had to face
reality, I could not provide a stable loving home for them. I went to an adoption
center and my twins were placed with a very loving couple. The process is called
"open adoption" I choose the couple that I felt would love them the
best. I am in contact with them to this day. I receive pictures and updates on
Now at first I felt so depressed (actually for many years
there was a hole inside me) I got so messed up I lost my daughter 4 month's later.
(she presently lives with her grandmother -her father's mom.) Then not even 1
year later I was pregnant again. I called the agency who helped with my twins
and with the help of this organization I again gave a priceless gift to a very
good couple. Don't get me wrong there is still a sense of not being good enough,
but consistent contact with them has helped enormously.
Now oddly enough,
although I tested HIV+ in Aug. 1991, my children are not. That was a major step
in my forgiving myself. I knew the decision I made was the right one.
am so grateful we have a choice because if I were to get pregnant today I would
not hesitate to terminate. I don't think I could live with myself knowing I gave
my child a death sentence. There are many doors one can knock on, there are people
that want to help. If you sit down and weigh out all your options I know that
your decision will be the right one.
Have faith in yourself. Love yourself
and you won't go wrong.Peace
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is impossible to legislate human respect, but your action can provide the beginning
of equal justice under the law. Differences cannot continue to be equated to criminality
or to evil."
- by E. Kitch Childs in 1973