Laura's Story

I had an abortion at the age of 18; it has been my only one and my last. I was fresh out of school and my mother had lost her job and our house. I had met a young man who I began staying with at his place. His upstairs apartment became conveniently vacated and I moved in upstairs. We were having unprotected sex sometimes, but I was always using those inserts you use and then dissolve and gels when we had intercourse.

The only time I didn't, I told him and asked him to pull out. He then remarked, "Well I have decided since we are having sex, we need to make babies", as he proceeded to cum in me. I knew at that moment I was pregnant. I went back to my apartment and I went to sleep. I guess I do remember waking up very hungry and I had made some scrambled eggs. I threw it all up and I began to cry. It was then I took my clothes off and started to run the shower. He came upstairs and I kind of remember trying not to let him in.

He went and lay on my bed and was asking me to fuck him. I was crying and told him I was pregnant. I don't really know why, but he started fighting me. I remember being naked on the floor with him on top of me straddling my thighs. He was biting me, spitting in my face and all I could do was scream. I was screaming one of those cries you always fear that you will make one day. It seemed like such a bad dream and the cry wouldn't come out! Ya know? But it was real. I finally was set free and he went down to his apartment while I cleaned myself up and prepared myself to call my mother.

I knew what I had to do and I was very scared. I remember all of the motions, the faces and the girl I met while we were waiting for our pagers to go off. I remember our parents smoking cigarettes together and that one moment of being with that other girl when she went ahead of me. I remember that after-room where I was groggy and it felt like such a bad dream. I know that a lot of women have gone through this. I still don't think it is normal. I met a lady who said she would have had 16 kids if it weren't for 9 abortions. So where is the fine line that we cross for being responsible every time? Like me and you. So I practice safe sex, but still I crossed that line. I actually participated in terminating a life and that doesn't make me feel good.

So I have only told one person that I have been with. I think, if I tell my partner I have, then what if I get pregnant and he says well,"you have had one before, you can do it again." So I never ever say I have and I say that I won't. So it is funny... the few I have had we were always careful. But still I think,"what beautiful babies we could have with your blue eyes and my brown hair." Having a baby is a very romantic thing, you know, and I know when I find that special person I will love myself even more.

Coincidentally my best friend became pregnant the same time I did. Her toddler is walkin' and talkin' and I still can't even take care of myself. I am struggling and trying to go to school, work and involve myself in activities. I have found the college I want to go to... so I look forward to that. Fortunately I had the best support group, all the women in my family and a Grandmother that I stayed with for 2 years after that. We all look forward and bless our periods. :)

12 July 2001

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"Your revolution will not happen between these thighs." -Sarah Jones