I had my first abortion four days ago at 7 weeks and three days. This was my second unplanned pregnancy. The first time I went back and forth between have the baby or have an abortion. At that time I got pregnant I was not on any contraceptives. After the birth of my son I began taking birth control pills consistently. I love my son and wanted to wait till I was ready for another child.
The father of my son has six older children and is $40,000 behind on child support. He barely takes care of our son. He is physically, verbally, and sexually abusive. I have left him many times and gone back due to weakness. I have been telling him I wanted to break up and asking him to leave. This time I could not get my pills. I insisted on condoms but my son's father refused and forced and pressured me.
He said he wanted me to have another baby. He knew I was not ready but did not care. He was very cruel to me during my first pregnancy, he cheated and abused me verbally and physically. At one point I was going to keep my baby. Then I kept thinking about the situation I was in and was afraid I would not be able to handle it and didn't want to go through another pregnancy being stressed out and mistreated.
I felt so sad after it and am still grieving, but I hear it is normal. We women can not depend on men to act in our best interest. We have to protect ourselves because all they want to do is have a good time, feel our stuff, and the consequences and our feelings be damned.
I am seriously considering getting on the depo shot or an IUD. I wish the insurance companies would let you get a 6 or 12, or at lest 2 months of the pills. That would have spared me. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you because I know that no one just really wants to have an abortion. It's a situation of damned if I do and damned if I don't. Please do not listen to people: no sin is greater than another and God still loves us.
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