I never thought I would have to make the decision to abort. I was always pro-life until this time around. I already have 3 wonderful children and am married for 3 years. I conceived the first child during my senior year in high school. I didn't marry until my 2nd pregnancy. I was 7 months along. My children are right in a row, with about 18 months between them. I had my children with my high school sweetheart, who I then married. He is a wonderful father, so loving and caring. Although, we married so young and he has been the sole provider for all of us. I had wanted to work, but discovered that what we would put out more for daycare and it didn't really leave us with more money in the end. So I decided to take a home school college course.
It was actually an extremely difficult decision to make. I was on the birth control patch until October and then I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). Most people die from it, but I was so lucky I hadn't. I was told I had to stop the patch because it could result in another blood clot I had my period as soon as I stopped the patch. Unfortunately, after that, we didn't use any other form of birth control. I discovered on Christmas Day that I was pregnant for the 4th time. I went to the store for some eggnog and purchased a pregnancy test which I took soon afterwards at my mothers house. I never told my husband of the results. Our lives were finally coming together. He just got a new job, we purchased our first home, and our children are all under the age of 4.
I scheduled an appointment with my ob/gyn after New Year's. I discovered that I was about 6 weeks along. My gynecologist was so excited for me and I kind of was too. It was shortly after though that I had really got scared. I knew how difficult life was now and I couldn't imagine doing this all over again. I mentioned the topic of having another child to my husband a few times and he said that our family is great the way it is now and that if we were to have another child that we should wait. I was so scared to tell him that the whole reason I was inquiring now was because I was actually pregnant. He is pro-life completely. I had nobody to turn too.
When I discovered I was pregnant with my first child I had told my mother first, thinking she would be understanding and supportive. She had her first child when she turned 16 and was completely happy. I didn't know until the day I told her I was pregnant that she had previous abortions and was completely for them. She even admitted that she wanted to abort me, but her family begged her not too. I am 1 out of 5 children she gave birth too. She begged me to abort my first child until my husband said over and over again NO!
So here I was, alone and confused. I called for a local abortion clinic 2 weeks after my ob/gyn appointment. I hesitated on the phone saying that I was calling for a friend. I even missed the first appointment and had to reschedule. I was almost 12 weeks by the time I actually went. I had to go 2 days in a row, which was actually supposed to be only 1. I told my husband that I had a few errands to run and told everyone else the same. Nobody questioned it.
The first day I went, I filled out a stack forms and had an ultrasound. I told them I was about 12 weeks so they had to do an internal ultrasound (trans-vaginal ultrasound). I was called into the examining room and told to take my pants and underwear off and put on a gown. I had a sheet to cover my legs. When the nurse came in, I had to lay down with my feet in stirrups, scoot to the very edge of the table, and open my legs so she could put the probe in. The probe was long and had what looked like a condom in. She then asked me if I wanted to see the picture and I told her yes. She said that I was about 16 weeks along with twins. I was shocked! I thought I was only 12 weeks along with a single. She took the probe out and I scooted back and sat up.
It was after this that I had counseling and met with another nurse who asked if this is what I wanted. I was certain now. I had always dreamed of twins, but there was no way I could care for or provide for two. I was told that I would have to have dilators inserted and then come back the next day. I went again to another examining room. I laid down with my feet in some kind of rubber bands that were up in the air. Two nurses came in helped me scoot to the edge of the table, and then held my legs apart.
The doctor walked in and was very nice. I saw him sit between my legs. He was talking to the nurses about the weather and some other stuff. He put his fingers in my vagina first to check the position of my uterus and then he showed me the speculum and said that he was going to put it in and it might hurt a little. I felt the cold metal sliding inside of me and then open me up. He then took a needle and inserted it into my open vagina and then into my cervix. It stung a little, but not bad at all. I screamed STOP! The doctor just looked at me and paused while the nurse asked what was wrong. I told her that I changed my mind and she told me that if I had stopped now I would probably miscarry because my cervix was paralyzed and might open on its own. I apologized, recollected my thoughts and told the doctor to continue. He showed me the sticks he was going to enter in my cervix and then he put them in. I know this sounds strange, but I felt my cervix being opened wider and wider. In total, my cervix was supposed to dilate to 2 centimeters. He then took out the speculum and the nurses left go of my legs so they could close and helped me out of the stirrups. I was able to get dressed and leave.
That night I had cramps and when I put my fingers in my vagina, I could feel the sticks in my cervix. The following day I went back to the clinic and again was given a gown and was put in an examining room. I had to put my feet in rubber bands again and the same two nurses came in and helped me scoot to the edge of the table and held my legs open. Their hands were so cold. I could feel every detail for some reason that day. The doctor came in and spread open my vaginal lips as he slid the speculum in. He put a needle again in my cervix and took the sticks out. I felt so open, like the babies were going to fall out. Then he turned around and got some hose. It looked like the tube they use to give oxygen to people. He put it inside of me and turned on the vacuum. He wasn't able to get all of it he said so he turned it off and then showed me the metal loop he had to insert in my cervix. He scraped the inside of my uterus and then turned on the vacuum again. Then he said he was done.
I was speechless. He turned off the vacuum. He took the speculum out and I could feel my vagina close. The one nurse let go of my leg and put a pad between my legs. Then the other nurse let go and helped me out of the stirrups. They closed my legs and gave me some kind of mesh panties to put on. I had to sit in a waiting room for an hour before I was able to go.
I regret my decision somewhat, but I do feel relieved. I feel that I made the right decision. Till this day, nobody knows of what happened or my decision. I think carefully now about abortion and sex. I don't know if there will be more children or not in my future, but I'm happy to know that this time it will be planned and under better circumstances.
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