I am 27 with a 10 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. I have had 3 abortions and I am currently 11 weeks pregnant. I had my daughter at 17 and my son at 19. I stayed with there father for six years.
I was financially independent and he was just immature and couldn’t handle any type of responsibility. He always threatened that if I left him he would no longer be there for my children. Since I grew up with out a father I stayed for as long as I could, paying for everything hoping things would change.
When I started dating, the first man I got with I got pregnant. After I found out I also found out he had a very pregnant wife and wanted me to have an abortion. I was devastated. I did go through with the abortion financially alone and never saw or heard from him again. I promised my self not to ever go through that again.
After a year or two went by, I ran into another horrible situation. This time I was raped. It was horrible I will never forget because he whispered to me during my rape that I was having his baby. I was humiliated and alone. The day after it happened I knew I was pregnant. I waited 3 weeks and sure enough I was. At this point the rapist knew where I stayed. For my self and my children’s safety we stayed at a shelter. After a couple of weeks of counseling,g money crunching I had another abortion.
After that I pulled my life together. I didn’t want a man in my life at all. I was doing great. I had a good job. I met another man. He was so sweet and kind. The first time we had sex I got pregnant. I was so confused at this point. When I called to tell him about it, a woman called me back. I went straight to the clinic and aborted another one. I was so filled with hate for what happened to me in my past I didn’t even give him a chance.
A couple of months went by. We kept in contact as friends with each other and he seemed so hurt form the choice I had made. I felt extreme guilt. By the begriming of the New Year he was moved in. Everything seemed like my fairy tail I had been waiting for my whole life. A good man, kids, family filled with love and support. It took a turn within 2 months of him moving in. He turned into this crazy person. The first time a cousin of mine came to the house he had beat me lifeless. I had never been abused like that before. I was so scared. He monitored everything I did and took away my birth control. After a few months I was too scared to leave this abuse because he threatened my family.
To make a long story short I am scared to death of the man. I now have HPV high risk and I am 11 weeks pregnant with the crazy man's baby. I can not link myself to this man forever. I am not a bad person. I could never birth something and give it to someone else. Going to the clinic tomorrow. I know I have not seen the worst yet. I got the man out of my house but because he wants this baby and I don’t, my life may be in jeopardy.
Please keep me in your prayers. No body in the world can influence my decision. When it all is done you are the mother and it is your decision. Adoption is just not an option for me because I can’t hand over a piece of myself to an unknown fate.
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