Kimberly's Story

I recently had an abortion. Very recently (a week ago today). I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with it.

At 15 years old I got pregnant and decided to keep my baby. He was born very premature (2 1/2 months). Now I am 21 years old and "my baby" just started kindergarten. I never thought that this could happen to me again!!! I have been so careful since I had my first child.

About four weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant again. My emotions were out of control. I love children and I wanted another baby so bad but this time, I wanted to do it right. I wanted to be married and be settled to I could give my future children more than I am able to give my child now.

After thinking long and hard about our decision, my boyfriend and I decided that it would be best to have an abortion. I had no idea that it would be this difficult. The feelings that I'm having right now are so hard to explain. I wake up every morning crying and that only thing that keeps me going is when I look at my 5 year old son and think to my self, I love him soo much and I would not do anything to make his life more difficult.

However, I feel sometimes, okay, most of the time that I made a wrong decision. Everywhere I turn there are babies. Most with parents who couldn't love them as much as I love my child and children in general. When I try to explain to my boyfriend or friends how I'm feeling they don't understand but how could they when I don't even understand how I'm feeling!! I have been looking for counseling services but the only things I can find are either pro-life counseling services telling me what a terrible and selfish person I am or pro-choice counseling services telling me that it's okay and I will get over it with time.

Well it's not okay and right now it feels like the hurt will never go away. Does anyone have any advice? Good advice?

Kimberly
September 1998

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We are so glad you wrote to share your feelings. If it were not for strong feelings, we human's would be hollow shells, don't you think? Even so, most of the people around most of us are not prepared to deal with our strong feelings. One of the best things you can do is find a friend who will let you just talk and talk.