I have recently had an abortion about
three weeks ago.
When I first found out I was pregnant, It was a total shock.
Being very young, It was not something to celebrate. Although I have a generation
of family that has had babies young, I didn't learn from their mistakes, and was
faced with the problem myself.
I have a boyfriend of 7 months, who was
(and still is) an angel. He supported me in whatever decision I made; but like
me, he was shocked as well. He felt he didn't want a child right now, but if I
made the decision to keep the baby, he would be there for me, as well as be a
father to the baby. I also had strong moral support from my older sister, who
had my niece when she was 17; and support from the rest of family. So the decision
was up to me, and I would have support either way I went.
Never being pregnant
before, I didn't have strong feelings against abortion, but it was never anything
I would want to do. I was torn right down the middle, between keeping it, and
having an abortion.
After struggling with the hardest decision I have ever
made in my life, I decided to have an abortion. I made an appointment for Saturday
morning, and spent a sleepless night awaiting the long drive to the clinic.
clinic was nice, and there were a lot of other women there. While I sat and waited
for my name to be called, I noticed that I was the youngest one there, And all
the other women seemed they were waiting to get their teeth cleaned.
hardest part for me was getting a sonogram. A part of me wanted to see, but I
knew that it would break my heart. After the sonogram, I went to the bathroom
for a urine sample, and tried hard to fight back tears. While waiting for them
to call me back to have the surgery, I waited, clothed in a gown and sheet to
put around my waste, in a room full of other awaiting women. I sat back and listened
to the others casually having conversations about their other children they didn't
abort, and why they were having abortions. I was shocked to hear that one woman
was almost 11 weeks pregnant, It was hard for me to have an abortion at almost
The rest was a blur, I tried to clear my head of all thoughts
and relax. Afterwards, my mother and my boyfriend drove me home to my bed, where
I slept, still sleepy and recovering.
Now, looking back, I believe I made
a good decision, It may have not been the right decision, but I feel it was a
good one. My sister told me there is no right or wrong decision when facing abortion.
I truly believe that now, more than ever. I am still emotionally torn from this
experience, and believe I probably always will be.
Everyday, I ask myself
a barrage of questions: would it have been a boy or a girl, who would it of looked
like, what it what of grown up to be, etc. Although I know asking myself these
questions doesn't help matters any,I still can't keep myself from wondering.
an abortion is something I never want to do again, and I WILL make it a learning
experience and not make the same mistakes, as should all other women.Kelly
5 March 1999
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