I have recently had an abortion about
three weeks ago.
When I first found out I was pregnant, it was a total shock.
Being very young, it was not something to celebrate. Although I have a generation
of family that has had babies young, I didn't learn from their mistakes, and was
faced with the problem myself.
I have a boyfriend of 7 months, who was (and
still is) an angel. He supported me in whatever decision I made; but like me,
he was shocked as well. He felt he didn't want a child right now, but if I made
the decision to keep the baby, he would be there for me, as well as be a father
to the baby. I also had strong moral support from my older sister, who had my
niece when she was 17; and support from the rest of family. So the decision was
up to me, and I would have support either way I went.
Never being pregnant
before, I didn't have strong feelings against abortion, but it was never anything
I would want to do. I was torn right down the middle, between keeping it, and
having an abortion.
After struggling with the hardest decision I have ever
made in my life, I decided to have an abortion. I made an appointment for Saturday
morning, and spent a sleepless night awaiting the long drive to the clinic.
clinic was nice, and there were a lot of other women there. While I sat and waited
for my name to be called, I noticed that I was the youngest one there. All the
other women seemed they were waiting to get their teeth cleaned. The hardest part
for me was getting a sonogram. A part of me wanted to see, but I knew that it
would break my heart. After the sonogram, I went to the bathroom for a urine sample,
and tried hard to fight back tears.
While waiting for them to call me back
to have the surgery, I waited, clothed in a gown and sheet to put around my waist,
in a room full of other waiting women. I sat back and listened to the others casually
having conversations about their other children they didn't abort, and why they
were having abortions. I was shocked to hear that one woman was almost 11 weeks
pregnant, it was hard for me to have an abortion at almost eight weeks.
rest was a blur, I tried to clear my head of all thoughts and relax. Afterwards,
my mother and my boyfriend drove me home to my bed, where I slept, still sleepy
Now, looking back, I believe I made a good decision. It
may have not been the right decision, but I feel it was a good one. My sister
told me there is no right or wrong decision when facing abortion. I truly believe
that now, more than ever. I am still emotionally torn from this experience, and
believe I probably always will be. Everyday, I ask myself a barrage of questions:
would it have been a boy or a girl, who would it have looked like, what would
it have grown up to be, etc. Although I know asking myself these questions doesn't
help matters any, I still can't keep myself from wondering.
Having an abortion
is something I never want to do again, and I WILL make it a learning experience
and not make the same mistakes, as should all other women.Kelly
26 February 1999
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body is your body. Your pleasure is your own. Your sexuality is your own, it is
for your pleasure. Take care of your body."
Jane Fonda, Feb.