When I found out that I was pregnant, I wanted to be happy, but I just couldn't. I was 15 and irresponsible, very smart in books but not so much street wise. My boyfriend, who wasn't much older than me (about 8 months), freaked out and quit talking to me. I didn't know what to do. I got sick very quickly and felt very alone.
Eventually, I told my mom, who was willing to help me and didn't feel at first that abortion was even a good option. I was very scared. Rumors began to fly around that I was pregnant and I really didn't know what to say. After my boyfriend's mom found out, my mom and I went to his mom and dad's house to discuss what we were going to do. My boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion. I grew up without a dad, and I knew exactly how it felt. I probably wouldn't have gotten pregnant if I had a dad there to support me everday and love me. So, I made the decision to get an abortion because I believed that my boyfriend would not be the father that my child needed, I was too young, and I couldn't throw my baby on my mom because she had a 2 month old that she had to take care of.
When I went to the abortion clinic, my boyfriend began to act more like he had before he found out I was pregnant, and that's when I learned that I was truly doing the right thing because he didn't want a baby and I couldn't force him to. It wasn't the hardest decision because I felt in my heart it was right; I couldn't carry the baby and then put it up for adoption because I couldn't live with myself knowing I had a baby I couldn't "have". So, my boyfriend's parents said they would pay for my abortion if I got one, and my mom said she would sign for me to have one (Because my state requires one parent to sign before a minor can have an abortion). I didn't tell the rest of my family, although they did hear rumors, I denied them and told them that they wern't true.
When I went to the abortion clinic, I found out that I was carrying twins, but one of them was around a week behind the other one (the sac looked damanged or something, I'm not sure, I didn't see the ultrasound but they did tell me what I asked). I went through with the abortion and feel no regrets about it now; it was the BEST thing despite what other people may say. My mom even says that it was the right thing because she knew that I couldn't take care of one baby at my age, let alone two!
So, to any woman who is scared, don't be, because it's your decision, no one else's.Take it from me. And don't let people tell you it's murder, because it isn't murder (in my opinion) until the child can survive and breath and function on it's own.
To anyone who looks down on me, don't.
I was a smart girl who made a few mistakes and I didn't want my child to suffer for them. There's a time and a place for children but that's when you're in the proper situation to have a child. There's no sense in a child, or in my case, two children, to suffer, live in poverty, or even be fatherless, because you didn't step in and do the "right" thing.
February 9, 2007
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