I was 19 years old and had been with my boyfriend for 4 years already. My method of birth control had failed, i never was very good at keeping up with the pill, and I knew right away i was pregnant. There wasn't a doubt in my mind what i was going to do. I was in college, living on my own and this was no time for a baby no matter how much we loved each other.
Though i felt confident in my decision, going there but having it done felt really strange. Was I "one of those girls" now. Was I a different person? My boyfriend and I were the only one's who had known about the pregnancy, until now. I'm 22 now and still to this day have not told anyone about that day and how it made me feel after. I don't know if i was ashamed or scared, but i know i was confused in my own mind on how to feel about the pregnancy.
Looking back in retrospect, however, I was a different person, more mature, wiser. Going through the ordeal wasn't the most pleasant thing I ever had to do, but my life has been so much better for it. I stayed with that boyfriend for another 2 and a half years and finally decided he wasn't the one for me. I can only imagine what my life would be like if I were stuck to him still, a baby, now would be three, and a whole world full of complications. We are so lucky in this day in age to have the choice to do with our bodies what we see fit. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.
Abortion is a scary word but now it is something that is a part of me and something that I know saved my life and I'm not ashamed of it anymore. I'll be damned if that decision wasn't mine. It's my life, my body! Don't let anyone make that decision for you.
Be well, take care of yourself. know that everyday will just become a memory tomorrow. Your life is what you make of it, take control and never look back with regret. It will all be OK someday-
S.D., CA 1-27-04
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