I've finally found people who understand
how I feel.
I had a termination (I don't like to use the word abortion)
almost 2 years ago, but I still feel the pain. I cried when I read some of the
I knew I was pregnant before I took the test, but when it
was confirmed it was still a shock. I fought hard to hold back the tears. My partner
knew I was pregnant and was not very supportive. I took the decision to have an
termination on my own.
On the day of the termination I felt fine and was
sure it was the right thing for me to do. The termination hurt like hell. It was
the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. In the recovery room
I heard some of the other patients talking about how easy and painless it was.
I could not believe it after the pain that I had just experienced. On the way
home my sister asked me how I felt. I felt fine and thought that I'd be able to
deal with it ok. The next day a friend came round to visit me to see if I was
ok, I thought that I was but in mid-conversation I just broke down and started
to cry and cry and cry. So much pain came out from nowhere. My partner did not
contact me until 5 days later and that hurt even more. He said he couldn't deal
with it - how did he think I felt!! When I really needed him he was not there
for me. I tried to stay with him but I could not get over the way he treated me
during my most needing time, so we split up 2 months later.
For a long time
after I just shut down I did not go out, just to work because I had to and home.
I stopped communicating with friends (who didn't know). It's taken a long time
for me to get over it.
When I think about it I still feel the pain, but
I learnt to live with it. I was 29 and financially stable when I got pregnant,
but did not and still do not want to be a single parent. I knew my partner would
not have support me and he proved that. I know I made the right decision.
glad I found this site and was able to share my story, I know that I'm not alone.Jane
2 March 2002
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