Jane's Story

I've finally found people who understand how I feel.

I had a termination (I don't like to use the word abortion) almost 2 years ago, but I still feel the pain. I cried when I read some of the other stories.

I knew I was pregnant before I took the test, but when it was confirmed it was still a shock. I fought hard to hold back the tears. My partner knew I was pregnant and was not very supportive. I took the decision to have an termination on my own.

On the day of the termination I felt fine and was sure it was the right thing for me to do. The termination hurt like hell. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. In the recovery room I heard some of the other patients talking about how easy and painless it was. I could not believe it after the pain that I had just experienced. On the way home my sister asked me how I felt. I felt fine and thought that I'd be able to deal with it ok. The next day a friend came round to visit me to see if I was ok, I thought that I was but in mid-conversation I just broke down and started to cry and cry and cry. So much pain came out from nowhere. My partner did not contact me until 5 days later and that hurt even more. He said he couldn't deal with it - how did he think I felt!! When I really needed him he was not there for me. I tried to stay with him but I could not get over the way he treated me during my most needing time, so we split up 2 months later.

For a long time after I just shut down I did not go out, just to work because I had to and home. I stopped communicating with friends (who didn't know). It's taken a long time for me to get over it.

When I think about it I still feel the pain, but I learnt to live with it. I was 29 and financially stable when I got pregnant, but did not and still do not want to be a single parent. I knew my partner would not have support me and he proved that. I know I made the right decision.

I'm glad I found this site and was able to share my story, I know that I'm not alone.

Jane
2 March 2002