Jaina's Story

I had an abortion 5 days ago.  I was 6 ½ weeks pregnant when I got my abortion, which I got 4 days before my 15th birthday.  I found out I was pregnant about a month ago.  My boyfriend and I were happy in a way at first.  We loved each other and still do, and wanted to do the right thing.  We decided to wait a while before we told our parents.  But...our plan didn’t exactly work out. 

One of my friends found out and told her mom who ended up telling my mom.  When my mom heard this, she asked me about it and I denied it.  But she didn’t believe me and decided to give me a pregnancy test, which came up positive.  My parents were devastated, and automatically assumed I would get an abortion.  I had never believed in abortion until now.  I told them there was NO way I would ever kill my child and that we would do everything necessary to make things work.  We got into a huge fight that night and I left for the night.  The next day, my friend took me over to my boyfriend’s house.  We told his parents, who weren’t as mad. 

His mom was upset, but his dad was more happy than anything.  They supported me 100% on whatever decision I decided to go through with.  My boyfriend wanted the baby more than anything.  So did I.  I Knew it would be hard.  I was willing to get a job and my boyfriend was going to get a second job.  We planned it like a fairytail, thinking we would live with his parents, have plenty of money, and be able to finish high school. Yeah right.  We fought my parents SO hard for this baby, but they would not give in.  They threatened to send me to a maternity home far away if I didn’t get the abortion.  I hated them for it.  I thought they were being the worst parents, and I still do believe that they should have supported me more than they did. 

I knew inside that I wasn’t ready to have a baby.  I was no where near as responsible as a parent should be.  I was constantly drinking and smoking pot.  So, I eventually gave in and agreed to the abortion.  I went to the clinic once, and was told to come back in 2 weeks.  I went back 5 days ago and got my abortion.  I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant.  It is so hard to think about it and to look at a baby.  In my mind, I don’t know for sure if I did the right thing, and have so much hurt and guilt inside.  I feel selfish, but I wont let myself regret it, because I know that being hardly 15 years old, I cannot raise a baby.  But, Its your choice, and base your decision on what you think is right, not your parents and whoever else.

February 22, 2007

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