I got pregnant when I was 19. It was by a guy that I had met earlier that month and at the end of May I got pregnant. I knew that EXACT moment; which was really scary. It was on my mind all the time. I called him about two weeks later, a week before I should've even started my period and asked what we would do. He said that he'd "man up and we'd take care of it, as single parents APART". I blew it off thinking I'm not pregnant.
Well June came and went and I still hadn't had a period. So I called him while I was at work and we talked and I was going to take a test the next morning, with the "first" urine. Well I was anxious to know and he was ready to know. I went and bought one and took it in the bathroom of the store, one line popped up immediately. And the next didn't. I kept it and was on my way to tell him the exciting news... I pulled the test out while I was driving to say a thankful prayer and instead I busted into tears. The second line had popped up; which meant I was pregnant. I sat and cried. Neither one of us knew each other, he didn't even know my last name, my birthday or what my medical history consisted of. We sat on the back of his blazer outside of his friends house for about two hours and talked to get to know each other. Before this I was in the mind set that I would never have one, that it's a blessing from god. Well once you're in the situation you never really know. So we agreed that that is what we would do.
I knew I wasn't ready financially, mentally or emotionally. I didn't want to live at home with my parents and my child being a single mother and in college and have my parents "raise" my child. He then informed me that he wouldn't be "manning up" as he had said prior to finding out that I was pregnant and that he wouldn't be in the child's life and he'd deny the baby. It hurt which made this all the more the option. I don't think that bringing a child into the world without knowing both of the parents is right.
The next day I called the local abortion clinic in my town and they said you had to be 6 weeks, I was only 4. In two weeks I was having family come in so I decided to wait until they left that way I could enjoy them being here. By the time we had the procedure done I was 9 weeks. I went to the first appointment alone, the nurse did my ultrasound first, and offered a copy of it to me. I said yes. That way I could "confirm" it with him. She did my blood work. I left and cried the entire way home. I didn't know what to do. To have it or not to. This was by far the hardest decision in my life. They were booked for that week which meant I had to wait another week. They only do them on Friday's. So I had a week to sit and ponder.
The next Friday came up quick. I stayed with a friend that way my father didn't know. He picked me up and we saw the sunrise which had a significant point to me. It meant a NEW day would come tomorrow. My appointment was at 6:30 a.m. and there were protesters outside and all. One of them yelled at him and said "don't let her walk in, don’t let her do it man". It was so hard. We checked in and the lady gave us two pills. And called a few girls back. Which sent me to the waiting room to sit with him, I wanted to just burst into tears. They finally called my name and I went upstairs. I sat and chatted with a few girls about our stories. Then one by one the number in the waiting room got smaller and the recovery room got larger. Girls came out crying, others acting like they just went and had a pap done. My name was called. I was having an IV [which I don't think helped at all] I could feel it all. I stood up to get into the wheelchair and I started bawling. I got to the recovery room and one of the girls I was talking with asked if I was okay. I said yea. I waited there for 45 minutes and then was escorted back downstairs and signed papers saying that I would take the meds and all. We left. Protesters were still protesting and it was so hard. I didn't bleed much after it was done. Actually none until I stood up to put my clothes back on. And I have yet to bleed.
Last night thinking about the sunrise; it hit me, I took the chance of that little life EVER seeing the sunrise and I started to cry, but thinking that today would be a new day and I could change the way I was to live made me smile on the inside. I woke up today with a new attitude, a new way of thinking, and a new outlook on the life I was and am going to live.
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