Just the other day, a friend asked me
to describe how far along she is in her pregnancy. I could tell her
the head measurement in centimeters, remembering the chart on the ultrasound machine
translating fetal measurements to weeks. At Cedar River
Clinic I learned so much ... about myself, life, perspective, and the vast
spectrum of others lives. I feel privileged to have shared so much with
clients and staff.
I left CRC to manage another clinic that performs abortions.
I worked there for over two years and finally admitted the increasing violence
(specifically the murders of receptionists at Brookline, MA) affected me to my
core. After much soul-searching, rationalization, and support from coworkers,
I left to work with homeless women in downtown Seattle. Leaving the only field
I had ever worked in ended a personal growth spurt that included getting a tattoo,
a body piercing, learning a martial art, and leaving my partner of eight years.
The career change is the only decision I regret, I quickly learned I am not suited
to working with homeless people.
Which brings me to my current position
at a family practice clinic where I help low income clients apply for medical
benefits for themselves and their children. Ive learned more about managed
care, capitated insurance, and primary care providers
than I thought possible.
But right now, I am on maternity leave to care
for and recover from the birth of my son, Zane, who arrived on April 4th. Being
a new mom has lots of challenges (getting enough sleep), lifestyle adjustments
(carrying 8 lbs. of baby and 20-30 lbs. of stuff everywhere), and responsibility.
I know my life would be much more stressful without the loving support of my husband.
We planned this pregnancy and accept the challenge, but I cannot imagine what
it would be like if we hadnt. As a cross-cultural adoptee, I have spent
lots of time processing my feelings around issues of abandonment, motherhood,
blood ties, family, cultural and ethnic identity. After 26 years, I finally accept
that I can never find, talk to, or meet my birth mother.
I accept the pain
this realization brings, and know I will feel the loss until I die. Some of the
joy and healing my son has brought is biological continuity, my bloodline passed
on. I look to the future in his eyes and I see the resemblance of my first blood
I continue to hope every child is wanted, looked forward to,
and welcomed as much as mine is. Parenting is the right choice for me now but
it wasnt always. The responsibility of rearing the next generation is too
profound a decision to impose or legislate.Holly
is a former employee of Cedar River Clinic.
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= Feminism to me means being able to reach my full potential as a woman, wife,
mother, daughter, sister, and friend."