I have had three abortions for three different men in less than three years. the first one was when i was in school in europe & my father had fully paid for my tuition, living expenses, accomodation etc. so i felt it would be a disapointment to him if he found out i got pregnant while in school. it was a shock when i found out i was pregnant and decided immidiately that i didn't want it. my best friend and my boyfriend were with me through it. i slept through it so i didn't feel anything or even know wat happened even when i woke up. Hally,
before i left europe for my country i got drunk and slept with a friend who i knew liked me. we weren't prepared for it but i got pregnant that first time and was confirmed when i got back to my country. that was about 7 months after my first abortion. i immediately decided to have another abortion. this one was kind of different. i hated myself for getting pregnant. i starved myself and refused to eat so i lost a lot of weight. this abortion i was sedated but not completely knocked off so i kind of knew wat was going on but it was blurry and i hardly felt anything.
about 10 months after that i met a guy which was kind of like love at first sight and started dating. after 10 months of being together i was shocked and upset when i found out i was pregnant again! i was always on the pill. he wanted me to keep the baby but i refused to cos i didn't feel ready. i immediately had an abortion.
i don't regret my decisions because i didn't feel it was the right time to have a baby but i still feel the sadness and i always wonder who they would have looked like, was there a boy or a girl or even if there may have been twins.
will God forgive me?
20 Oct 04
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