I can't believe the mess I got myself into...God
Well I am 26 years old and this is my second pregnancy, my first one was
six years ago using a condom (which
got stuck in me) and I terminated the pregnancy. Now I get pregnant the same way
again after just getting off birth control
pills the month before.
It all started with me ending a long term
(5 year) relationship and getting off the pill two months later because I didn't
see my ex and me getting back together any time soon. Then I started dating an
old high school friend and we didn't waste time with waiting to have sex. I found
out I was pregnant a month later and decided to have a pregnancy without even
having to think twice about it. The father wasn't too thrilled about my decision
but supported me either way.
Well I lived in NYC and the father lived
in RI and while I was in RI I had painful cramps and bleeding and had to go to
the ER and when they did the ultrasound I saw the baby and decided to keep it.
I was ok and so was the baby. I then decided with pressure from my mom to move
to RI and stay with her so I can prepare for my new life. At first I was excited
but I was sad as well because I was giving up my apartment, friends, social life,
city life, and job to come live in a state that I never liked to live in (I lived
in RI for five years when I was a teenager). But I just pushed on and tried to
make the best of it.
Meanwhile, I kept in touch with my ex never telling
him that I was pregnant because I knew that he would be disappointed in me and
hurt. Then things started to hit the fan with my boyfriend and he became possessive
of me, jealous, disrespectful, and just showed a whole other side than what I
saw before. Now I wasn't exactly the best person to be around either because I
fell into depression after a while. So I decided to have an abortion. I am thirteen
weeks and will be fourteen when I have it. I would have it sooner but because
I am starting my second trimester it costs a lot more so I had to save up for
I haven't told the father of my decision and probably won't. I have
been having a lot of problems with this pregnancy so I am thinking of telling
him I had a miscarriage. I am no longer with the father of the baby. I left him
because I feel that he was a rebound. Not only that but we are two worlds different
from each other. He is a good man but I am too independent and mature to put up
with his foolish ways. I know the decision for me not have the baby is selfish
but I make no apologies for it. I feel a big relief in the decision I have made
because now I know that I will be able to focus on getting myself together and
not drag an innocent child into a bad situation. My mother is upset over this
decision but I told her that I feel content in my heart with my choice and not
to sound cold but will have even a bigger relief once it is all over.
I can't believe the mess I got myself into with getting into a relationship so
soon, deciding to have a baby and play "house", and drop everything that I worked
so hard for. Now I have to pick up the pieces and start all over again. I don't
mind doing it because my life decisions will be a reflection onto me only. I never
wanted to have children but now I do know that the one good thing that came out
of this whole crazy situation is that I KNOW I would like to have a child one
day when I am in a stable relationship, have my own place, and a good stable job.
That is not too much to ask. I was once there and I WILL BE THERE AGAIN!
I wish you good fortune and a clean conscience and strong mind of whatever
decision you make.
22 May 2000
more stories -- share your story
listening to women, we know: women choose abortion when they feel they cannot
provide the best family they think their potential child deserves.