I'm 40 years old, married (not happily)
and the mother of two girls ages 12 and 9. We live an average life where sometimes
making ends meet is a struggle. We just barely adequately provide for the two
we have. When I found out I was pregnant I thought, "How stupid of me!"
I don't have sex that often with my husband, because I no longer love him. It's
a marriage of convenience. For nine years I was able to have sex once a month
and not get pregnant. Well, I messed up this time. I love my two children with
all my heart and I know I would love my unborn child but I just don't have it
in me to start all over again. I am really trying to find the strength to leave
my husband but fear of not having the finances keeps me in the marriage. Surely
having a newborn at this time would make me more vulnerable. Our house is teeny
tiny. We have been in it for nine years and have been unable to move to a more
spacious home because of my husband's irresponsible choices with his money. He
won't work with me towards this goal. I would hate for all of us to be more crowded
than we are now. It may sound selfish, but I know I just can't do it over again.
Especially since I don't love my husband. I fear how this will affect my soul,
but I am too afraid to go through with having this unborn child. My decision has
been made and it is final. I hope God and this baby both forgive me.Debbie
25 August 2001
more stories -- share your story
health depends on our ability to share love and pleasure. As women, our bodies
have the capacity to create new life. This responsibility and privilege unites
us with all our surroundings in an intimate relationship with the tides and the
moon, with the family and community, with society and culture, and with the spiritual.
The ability to choose how many children we wish to have, and what time in our
lives we wish to dedicate to their care, assures us a healthy future for all."
-excerpt from the book Nuestros
Cuerpos, Nuestras Vidas