I met him online in late January. We hit it off big time and before I knew it, I was spending most of my free time with him. I enjoyed being around him, he was safe and protective, albeit a bit of a liar... I didn't quite belive him most of the time.
Nonetheless, we began having sex right after my Feb period was over. One of those times we said to each other, that I really need to go on birth control. So I made an appointment about a week before my period was due to go get a refill on my birth control pills. I told my doctor what i wanted, left a urine sample and received a sample pack and a prescription. On my way home my doctor called me and told me my urine sample showed positive. I was stunned. It was impossible in my mind, I mean my period wasn't even late yet.
So I took a blood test, and a home test, and then another blood test, and then another home test. And yep. I was pregnant. About 3 weeks pregnant which meant that the baby was maybe 2 weeks old. I made an appointment at a doctors' office for the following weekend. That week was hell. I had already made the mistake of getting pregnant once before and i kept that baby. I couldn't face my mom to tell her it had happened again. My boyfriend was busy at work and did not come around to comfort me or anything. Matter of fact, his biggest concern was having speakers put in my car. Something about a subwoofer.
Meanwhile, I called doctors' offices, made appointments, researched online and stayed drunk pretty much. I drank before work, after I got home, and when I wasn't drinking I was yelling at my daughter or crying. My mom could tell something was wrong but i didn't have the heart to tell her what it was. So I just suffered silently.
Then I called my boyfriend to find out if he would have some money to put toward the procedure and he told me no. That he didn't have any and for me to just 'charge it'. Now I also felt alone. As if I was going to have to do this by myself. I asked him if he was going to at least take me to the appointment, he promised me he would, and said he'd see what he could do to get some money.
The night before the appointment I was an emotional wreck. I wanted to tell my mom so badly but couldn't make the words come out loud enough for her to hear. She was upset because she knew I was upset but I couldn't form the words to tell her. That night I waited for my boyfriend to come over since I had to be at the place at 7am. At 12am I still hadn't heard from him.
I knew I'd have to do this alone, and that it was over between him and I so I sent him a nasty email, and called my mom. It was about 1am. I told her to sign onto her computer and check her email. I sent her an email telling her what had happened to me and told her that i needed her but only if she could help me without judging me or asking a lot of questions. For an hour we wrote back and forth on email and she assured me that whatever i needed she'd help me with. So in the morning I got up and picked her up and went to the doctor. My boyfriend, never called... well he called around 10 that morning. Not sure why though. I wound up calling him back and we spoke briefly on email. I can't understand what happened to him.. he said he overslept and he called me to find out if i was okay, but in my email i had told him to never call me again so he was going to just leave me alone. Again I don't know whether or not to believe him. When he finally called he was at work, which i asked him how had he planned on being with me if he had to work. he had an excuse, but then again he always did. and i wanted to believe him but then again i always did.
I'm not sorry i had the abortion. I had the medical and in 2 days i'll take the second set of pills. The doctor told me it should be pretty mild since i'm soo early in this pregnancy. I don't know. i just know the physical pain can't be any worse than the emotional pain i endured this last week. I mostly feel relief right now. and exhaustion.
that's my story.
February 16, 2007
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