Dani's Story

At the age of sixteen I got pregnant and had my first abortion. I am a liberal feminist and very supportive of women's rights and really had no reservations about the procedure. I had never wanted children and knew that I was not in the position to support a child.

It was not until after the abortion that the depression hit. every time I see a small child I cry, and I still get very depressed. I try very hard to think of the life the child would have had, with me working at a fast food restaurant and spending my weekends partying and getting in trouble. I realized that abortion is a woman's right, but it is not right for me, and vowed to never go through that procedure again, at any cost.

I now want to be a mother, and was depressed and troubled to find out that my fiancÚ and I were unable to have children. as we were life long partners we engaged in unprotected sex. I am now nineteen and fully self supporting. I have a great job and a wonderful apartment with an extra bedroom: an office that could be a nursery. I had been dating the same man with intent to marry in the spring and besides the fact that we were infertile, life was great, except for the fact that he demeaned me publicly, beat me privately, and spent all my money while I was out working two jobs and going to school full-time. I left him and found out the next day I was pregnant.

I called the clinic immediately and scheduled my second abortion. I didn't bat an eye or think. this time I know that I did the right thing.

I am very open about my abortions, all of my friends know about the first one, but because of my ex-fiance's abusive behavior only my best friends know about the second one. Now a close friend is having a second trimester abortion, hers also stemming from an even more violent relationship in which her boyfriend tried to induce miscarriage by beating her abdomen. She knows that I will be driving her to both parts of the two day procedure and supporting her all the way.

Women, I want my voice to be heard to all. I was very young (and still am) and I was very scared. Please know that you are not alone. There are so many of us who have to be strong and make these decisions for our lives behind closed doors. We should not be ashamed, it is so unhealthy to make these life altering decisions alone. Please find someone to talk to. I had only one person the first time and no one the second time.

Millions of women worldwide make this decision yearly, in conditions that are much less safe than for all of us. Please think of these women's strength and find your own strength, and know that, whatever it is, your decision needs to be based on what is right for you, not for your boyfriend or his parents or anyone else. A baby can be the single most wonderful thing in a woman's life, but it can also be extremely destructive.

Don't be ruled by your body, please feel that you have the power to decide yourself. Until all women realize this, none of us are truly free. I can't decide what is right for any woman, but I know that my decisions, no matter how upsetting, were right and I am a much happier and more fulfilled being because of them. I can wait until I get married and can give my baby the life I deserve, so they too can be a happy and fulfilled adult like me.

Dani
January 1999

more stories -- share your story

Birth Control Comparison - alll methods Abortion Info from Feminist Women's Health CenterShare your story
Poetry and Prose - by women about their reproductive lives Teens HealthResources for Women of Color
Feminist Abortion Clinics Real Life Abortion Stories from teens Questions and Answers

 

Teenage males were more likely to abstain from sex in 1995 than in 1988, a trend reflecting more conservative attitudes that may be the result of AIDS education.
- Family Planning Perspectives

P.S.  The best movie on this subject is "If these walls could talk" which deals with abortion issues of three generations. but grab a box of tissues and a best friend, because it is very sad, and also very inspirational.