After reading most of the recent stories on the website, I decided it would do me good to share my own experiences and fears.
I had my first abortion when I was 17 years old, recently ended the relationship with the boyfriend I had for 3 years. I was simply not ready for a child, it would have been unfair for her/him. I was depressive, to a serious extent, multiple suicide thoughts, a few attempts, I could just not make it. I called my ex and told him about the situation. Like a good guy, he said he would have respected my dessision, would even drop school and work if I ever wanted to keep it. I said that I didn't. We were young and foolish then, I was on the pills, took them everyday as well. But for some reason, it just didn't work well. The fact that I was irregular by nature did not help the fact that I only noticed I was pregant when I was at 16 weeks. It was a shock to know that, but I still went on my choice.
Today, I am 24 years old, I never regreted my choice, i'm recovered from my depression, have a good stable job, I haven't had an easy life, and it just started being stable. I've had many boyfriends, most of them were mostly by conveniances than anything else, I really loved maybe one or two of them, that would include my current life-partner. I met him at work a few months ago, it's a really new relationship (3 months) and I learned 4 days ago that I was pregnant. After being single for 3 years it was a shock, I love him very much, and even though I could be ready to have a child, we are not ready as a couple for it. We just moved in togeder (because it was the most logical thing to do then, and so far I never regreted it) After a lot of tears (from both of us) he told me he wasn't ready. He just started a new job, though really well paid compared to what he had, he wanted to pay his student loans first and get a house. It's seem a bit easier this time as I am only 5-6 weeks pregnant, but it's really hard because im 24 and stable.
I curse my self from being pregnant, it was our ressponcability and we failed it. I don't want to bring an un-wanted baby, I don't want to have to say "well you were an accident...but I still love you" I want to say "I wished for you every night and day"
February 16, 2007
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