Chris' Story

I am 20yrs old and this was supposed to be my junior year in college. My boyfriend and I decided that i should go on birth control so that we wouldn't have any unwanted pregnancies.  So in May i went and got on the pill and i started using it in June.

In Aug my boyfriend went out of town to vegas.  I had an appt to go to clinic for a check up and get more birth control. my appt was on friday the 13th. what a great day to go.  i told my boyfriend i had a bad feeling about going on that day but he told me just to go. so i went for the checkup and they were asking me questions and stuff. then they asked me to take a pregnancy test cause i told them i took a pill 4 hrs late one day.  it didn't make any sense at the time but i was like.. ok. so i did and they came back and told me i was pregnant.  i couldn't believe what i was hearing. they told me to stop taking my birth control. 

On sunday when my BF got back i told him what they had told me. he couldn't believe what he was hearing.  we ended up having unprotected sex that night and the next morning. cause i couldn't get even more pregnant than i already was. The next day he told me to take another test cause he couldn't see how it happened.  so  i took one and it came back negative.  i was soo  confused.  i called the clinic and they were like sorry we switched the test with someone else who had the same last name as me.  i was so furious. so i went and got the EC.  they said that should prevent any pregnancy. 

weeks went by and i was feeling kinda weird.  i knew something wasn't right.  so i took a preg test one morning and it came back positive. i was like. this cant be happening .this is wrong.  i took 2 more tests.  scared and pregnant my boyfriend and i decided to terminate the pregnancy. 

i was having mixed feelings even up to the time of the procedure. part of me wanted to jump out of the chair and run away. i was so scared and it hurt so bad. i cried so hard. i couldn't believe that i was actually going through that. i sat in the recovery room afterwards in pain. i felt so sick and nausea. my stomach was cramping bad so i had to stay in recovery longer than expected. afterwards went we left the place, i remember getting in the car and i started to cry. i cried all the way home. i had never felt that much pain in my life. 

this was two weeks ago and i still feel the pain. i'm scared to let my boyfriend touch me or look at me cause i feel so ashamed of myself for what i did. but i knew it was the best for us. i had just started a new job and he had just switched jobs. i turn 21 in January and planning a trip to vegas and i'm not done with school yet plus we are not married. i wanted to travel more before settling down with children. i didn't want to bring a child into the world unwed.  i'm feeling my reasons to have the procedure were for selfish reasons.  if i see a pregnant lady at my work or a little baby i just want to cry.  but eventually i will get over this feeling of guilt. at least i hope i will.  i'm sorry for those of you that went through this also. i know how you feel.

take care,     

October 2004

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