I have been through
a lot at a young age. I am 22 now and one of the most difficult
things I have been through was my abortion. I didn't come
from a broken home like a lot of the anti-abortionists would
have people believe. I'm not a drug addict. I'm not a broken
down emotional train wreck or morally vacant. I'm not promiscuous
nor am I what would be considered low-class. I am a normal
person. A college student. An Artist. A writer. I have compassion,
sympathy, respect for life of all forms, and Self-confidence.
I am like millions of people.
I had been dating the same person monogamously for 3 years
at the time and accidents happen. I had been feeling very
poor for a week or so. However, I am a sickly kind of person
so I brushed it off as some minor illness or a stomach flu.
I was nauseated, My body felt wrong and all I wanted to do
was sleep. I had just been laid off from my job and had little
income, and I was sick to boot. Then the day came where I
had missed my period. I didn't get crazy about that. My body
is odd, my period changes up sometimes and I hadn't exactly
been keeping track of it as well as I could've been.
I have had problems with stress-related Insomnia for years,
and all I wanted to do was sleep and cry and throw up. Eventually,
I knew something was wrong. So my boyfriend and I ventured
to the local store and purchased a pregnancy test. I was not
at all surprised I was pregnant. And neither was he. We had
both been thinking that was probably the case. We talked for
a long time after that, and he told me that whatever I decided
to do be it abortion or adoption or to keep the baby, he would
support me 100%. I was thankful to have his support.
I may be different in the fact that I didn't have a very hard
time deciding what to do. I knew right away what had to be
done. I had to have an abortion. And though my boyfriend was
not horribly comfortable with the idea, he backed me as he
said he would.
I am not going to lie and say that I didn't go through the
normal feelings regarding abortion. I felt sad for a while.
I questioned if what I was doing was right. Or if I even had
the right to do what I was planning on doing. But I knew in
my heart that I did. My body, My choice. My rational behind
an abortion was very simple... I was in college. If I had
a child I had to quit school, as I could no longer afford
the tuition. How would I provide for a child without an education
in this world where a degree equals eating or starving? I
did not have a job. And being so young I really had no job
skills. Did I really want to struggle for the rest of my life
and give a child a lesser quality of life than I wanted for
it? And what about me? Would I be bitter? Would I have squandered
all my talent and my dreams and my goals because I would have
to put myself aside to care for another person? Did I really
want to be tied with my boyfriend Forever? Would I be miserable?
I would be miserable and I knew this. So my decision came
easily to me.
Some people call it selfish. But I think it would've been
more selfish to keep a child that I couldn't properly take
care of. Or even with adoption, the system is very far from
perfect and I have seen one too many cases of children in
foster care being abused and being made to think they are
the perpetrators and not the victims in said environments.
I don't want to be responsible for that. It would eat away
at me like a parasite to know that I couldn't take care of
my own child and that he or she were being abused in some
manner and there would be nothing I could do. I'm sorry, but
when I have children I want them to be planned and I want
them to have everything they could ever need.... not barely
enough to survive.
My abortion was a rough process on me mentally. I was scared.
I was scared of the pain. I was scared of the side effects.
I was scared of everything. But thankfully, I had support.
My boyfriend was wonderful. He was there for me the whole
time taking care of me before and after. I contacted some
of my friends who had had abortions and asked questions...
where they went. What it felt like. How painful was it. And
believe it or not, what they said was true. The procedure
was short and relatively painless. And afterwards I felt like
huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
I have never regretted what I did. I did what was best for
me and everyone involved. I have never looked back and thought
I made the wrong decision. And I say it to people. People
who I hear talk down about abortions not knowing I had one...
then they seem to understand a bit more. For some reason it
hits a little harder home when some one you know has experienced
something you only hear about on TV. Sure, I have been called
names. I have be told I am going to Hell. I have been called
Selfish. But what I don't understand is how some of these
people who call me selfish, have 3 or 4 children and don't
show them the proper care and attention they deserve... is
it not selfish to put YOURSELF first in that manner? Because
you have such a strong feeling against abortion that you will
have children that may not be as happy as they could be or
be taken care of as well as they SHOULD be? To me this is
the most selfish thing some one can do. People can sling mud
at me all they want. I stand firm in what I did was correct...
I am vocal about it when people start up a discussion, because
I want other people to know that I have been there. I like
to make myself available to other women if they want to talk
should they ever find themselves in that dilemma. And unlike
some of the afore mentioned people I won't call them names
if I disagree.
I have talked to some other women about their abortions and
they genuinely hate themselves for it. They cry when they
see babies.... and I really think they may not have thought
it through completely. I feel that if you live your life after
YEARS of having had your abortion in constant guilt and depressed
and feel generally as if you were wrong... that it was not
the right decision for you. This is not something people should
take lightly. Though I still stand in belief that I did what
was right, the emotional taxation alone is almost too much
for one to bear. Just like having children, having an abortion
is something you deal with for the rest of your life....
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