I am almost 41 & am pregnant. I
always thought I could not have children after all these years. I was pregnant
last year & miscarried at 10 weeks. I struggled with a decision that time
& decided to keep it for fear of going through an abortion. I had scheduled
an abortion & canceled it. Ironically, I started spotting on the very day
my abortion had been scheduled. My fetus had died & I later miscarried it.
Unfortunately, here I am in the same boat I never wanted to ride in again.
Only now I'm even older, which scares me more. I'm only about 3 weeks along &
have already called Planned Parenthood. Still unsure of what to do because I keep
reading facts & stories that are scaring me out of my wits.
is supportive, thank goodness. We split after my miscarriage last year, but recently
got back together. I dated someone else after we were apart for a while &
unfortunately slept with him 2 weeks before getting back with my ex, so there
is a small doubt that it might be his instead. That bothers me, too.
Somedays I feel like such an idiot for a 40 year old intelligent woman. I am mentally
exhausted & can barely function through my days. I am totally consumed by
my thoughts of abortions & how a baby would change my life entirely at mid-life.
Damn, I am so confused and full of questions.
Did God send another baby
to me because he wants me to be a mother before I die? Would I resent the complications
it would bring into a life that I'm so desperately trying to simplify at this
Could I handle it ---- yes ------ but could I handle it well?
I have a baby just because I'm too chicken to have an abortion?
are endless & I'm having panic attacks.
I just want to wake up tomorrow
cramping & bleeding. The choice will be made without me doing it.
Any comments and comfort would be deeply appreciated. I'm going to Planned Parenthood
in 2 days for my initial appt.
Thanks & good luck to all.Betty
8 July 2003
more stories -- share your story
you are unsure about what to do about an unintended pregnancy, call the clinic
of your choice and ask for a special "options counseling" appointment.
Or see the following: "Unsure
about your Pregnancy" from the National Abortion Federation or "Pregnant?
Need Help? "Pregnancy Options Workbook" from Ferre Institute