I have had four abortions.
There. I said it. I get embarrassed every time a doctor asks
me how many times have I been pregnant and how many children
I have. They always look at me as if I'm a whore. They make
me feel that way. The truth is the father of those four children
is the father of my two living children and is the person
who took my virginity. He is sleeping in the next room and
will always be in my life. We were young, foolish, and couldn't
keep our hands off of each other.
We started out using condoms.
When we took each other's virginity we used one. Then one
day in a park we tried it without. Electricity and heat coursed
through our bodies. The feeling was so intense that we both
stopped minutes later. We couldn't catch our breath, we just
laid on the grass panting and staring. It took longer to recover
from the act than the act itself but we were hooked. I know
what any addict of any drug feels like because I felt it there
I still am addicted to him. His sex anyway. He is mean to
me, he doesn't treat me the way I want to be treated. He doesn't
hug me or kiss me or caress me. He doesn't make me feel like...you
know. I feel as if we are not in a relationship, but instead
I'm his personal whore that he can do anything to and I must
like it. I do like it while it is happening. But I want a
real relationship and he doesn't know how to give it. After
the first abortion he strongly persuaded me to go against
my will and continue having sex without protection. I got
pregnant before I healed.
The second one was a second tri. I saw the sonogram. I saw
my baby. I went hysterical. This time he refused to support
me, broke up with me and used me for (and hurt me with) sex.
I needed to feel loved and allowed him to do this to me. I
had 2 abortions in 1997 and 2 in 1998. June and Dec. 1997.
April & August of 98. My first child was born 2001. Second
in 2003. I FINALLY got an IUD.
I'm in school now. I want to be an obstetrician (even though
I can't spell it). Two of my four children have come back
to me. I took the pain of the birth with NO meds so that I
could suffer for my wrongs. I have to do it two more times.
Don't be a victim as I was. Am.
feminism = not being a victim. EVER!
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