My name is Andy and I am 26. I had an abortion last week.
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 mos and we are very much in love, he was previously married and has a three year old daughter from that relationship whom I love and have accepted.
The day after I received my official pregnancy confirmation from the clinic. The love of my life received a letter from the family court of Los Angeles, a girlfriend that he dated after high school before he joined the Navy , was claiming that he was the father of her 12 and 11 year old daughters. Which he never knew existed.
I knew I had to make a decision. If these girls are his, then he would not be able to financially help be raise the baby I was carrying. We both work, but I would have had to be the sole provider. I also felt like if the news was true, I (selfishly) would be able to walk away from this relationship without any ties to this man.
I always wanted to be married and then have a family. We talked about spending our lives together and names of out future children. But, I did not want to be someone’s 3rd baby momma. I made the choice to have an abortion, at 10 weeks along. I felt torn because I wanted my little baby more than anything in the world, I felt resentment toward my boyfriend for putting me in such a place that I had to make such a life changing choice.
I wished that I was stronger, strong enough to love and care and make sacrifices for my baby. But I wasn’t. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my parents or even my friends, I was too concerned with being judged.
Then on August 16th I let my boyfriend pay 330.00 and I let them take my baby. I feel at peace with my decision, but it still hurts. I ache for my baby, and in my recovery I flip flop back and forth wondering if I made the right choice. I long to be a mother…under the right circumstances that is.
Februrary 12, 2007
more stories -- share your story