i am now 8 1/2 weeks pregnant. i have
been going back and forth on what i want to do. i have an abusive man who really
don't care either way. i've had 2 prior abortions one at 14 and one at 20 years.
i have a 5 year old and a 22 month old. i'm stuck in a dinky 2 bedroom house.
i pretty much know him and i wont last long but i am so scared. i'm afraid if
it was the wrong decision i will lose it this time and end up in a deep depression.
i only got 1 year of school left. i've been lookin around in my dinky house
and i hardly can keep milk in the fridge all the time. i know what needs to be
done but its an awful thing to choose. you're damned if you don't damned if you
do. i know i grew up without my father and in poverty my mother struggled and
we made it but i have some emotional issues. i never felt good enough ever and
it has to do with abandonment issues. my father never wanted me. i've always had
that SPIRIT OF REJECTION hanging over me and i never want my children to feel
So maybe i am making the right choice. i have an appointment for
8:00am tomorrow i'm so scared!!!!!!!!People keep swaying me one way. This is my
25 April 2003
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is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
- Erica Jong