Although I sometimes feel like I was selfish with my decision, I never doubt that I made the right choice. The day before I found out that I was pregnant, I forced my mother to the police station to file a report on a crime she helped commit (which lost me around $2,000), I was in the process of moving due to my apartment lease being finished, and my employers decided very suddenly to replace me with another person... So I was surprisingly jobless. Needless to say my life was not going in a good direction at the time.
Then to top off all of my sudden bad luck, I found out that I was pregnant. Both my boyfriend and myself agreed instantly that there was no way possible to handle either a pregnancy or a child at this point. We were both struggling financially, and there was way too much stress in my life at that point, so much in fact that my pregnancy would have probably had complications anyway. As well, with me needing to look for a new job, it would have just made that task infinitely more difficult. My morning sickness was horrible, and for the week before my abortion I did nothing but lay in bed and throw up.
So the decision was made, and yes... I wonder about all the what ifs, but I don't regret my choice. My sickness, worry, and doubts left me as soon as the operation was done. I didn't have to worry anymore about how I would take care of a child. I didn't have to worry about what sort of people would get my baby if I had chosen the path of adoption. And I definetly didn't have to worry about being denied employement because of constant sickness and the maternity leave I would be forced to take within a years time.
Right after the appointment was made though, I was terrified. I had read and heard all of these horror stories about how painful it is, but I have to say that my experience didn't match any of them.
I went into the clinic on Friday, May 26th, 2006. I filled out all of the paper work and they did the required tests. I was so nervous and scared that I was literally shivering while I waited. All of the nurses though seemed to understand, and they were exceedingly nice to me the entire time and tried to comfort me as best they could. After all the tests, while I sat in the room waiting for the doctor to arrive I felt like crying. I kept asking myself, "Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to get rid of my future child?" But always my logical side would argue that this was not the proper time... And I was not ready. At 21 years old, with so much stress and so many problems... Keeping a baby would have been bad.
The doctor came into the room and my heart raced. He was as nice as the nurses though, and talked to me the entire time as he gave me the IV. After the IV went into my hand... I was out like a light. Next thing I remember, I woke up to find myself laying down and covered up, with a nurse smiling at me. I kept laying there, probably for about thirty minutes or so, and she chatted sweetly with me the entire time. After a while she asked how I felt, and I told her I felt good enough to get dressed and go home.
And that's what I did. I was drozy the entire drive home, but my boyfriend was there with me the whole time, and took care of me once we got to the house. My morning sickness disappeared, and though I had cramps for about a week and bleeding for three weeks... I'm happy now that the ordeal is over with.
My abortion was the right choice, and I'm glad I made it.
February 13, 2007
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