"Mothering, A Planned Accident"
My son was a planned accident. Carl
was planned in that I went off the pill
a year before he was conceived because Id reached a point when an unplanned
pregnancy would not be devastating. He was an accident in that my husband and
I decided - after our one and only time of unprotected sex - that we wanted to
wait a few years to start a family.
Im ever so grateful for our planned
accident. It allowed me to become pregnant without the anxiety of trying
and helped me avoid spending lots of time building expectations about motherhood.
(Most of my focus during pregnancy was on my health and preparing for the birth
So now, as if it were unexpected, Im a mom.
On the one hand, I feel like my life has been turned completely upside down and
on the other Im amazed at how natural parenting feels. I attribute the natural
part to the attitude surrounding our planned accident. Deep down I knew I was
ready to take on the challenge of parenthood, yet I couldnt even begin to
comprehend what it would be like.
For example, I did not:
- anticipate witnessing so many wonderful smiles from complete strangers;
- understand that I would spend so much time breast feeding;
the delight I feel every morning when my son greets me with a big smile from his
- think Id actually schedule dinner dates at 5 pm;
my time away from Carl would be as special as my time with him;
I would forget the pain associated with birth;
- conceive how adamant I
would be about reducing/reorganizing my work hours so I could be home with Carl
four days a week; nor
- fathom that having a child would mean I would spend
so much more time with my husband, Eric.
Carl just started
sitting up and grabbing toys with intention. I couldnt quite visualize this
stage two months ago just like I can not completely imagine what its
going to be like when he starts crawling or walking, let alone talking.
believe every new stage of motherhood is going to feel a bit like a planned accident
deep down I am ready for it.Alice
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a revolutionary fire.
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