the word that calls him what he is

my body a vessel
empty of soul
devoid of spirit
brimming with seething anguish
the searing realization
of utter stupidity
enabling victimization
facilitating advantages
filling with hatred
dripping self drop by drop
i hate
the hatred runs deep
the anger runs deeper
the lack of control
the insensitivity
the beastiality
the deafness that comes
when juices flow hot
I don't want--
it don't matter
filling me uo
with their agony
emptying me of my soul
hatred coursing through me
does not stop the pain
victim of facilitator
taking robbing stealing
what's mine
to give for love
to keep until--
i look my attacker in the face
and smile for fear-
defamation of character
ridicule, destruction
innocent or guilty
of allowing It wanting It
the crime that burns on my tongue
and i hesitate to utter
The word that calls him what he is

"a fat purple plum"

i got a knot
the size of a fist
turned against me enraged
i got a fat purple plum
under my eye
the same size
of the same fist
bigger than mine
stronger than mine
but turned against me

i provoked him

the batterers batter
the rapists rape
the abusers abuse
the victims provoke.

--kaya casper, Jan. 1999

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